Neverland is Still for Sale

Alright. Can I just start off with the comment of the night:

Simon - : "I hate what you're wearing. Give me 5 minutes with Lil and I'll sort you out. "

You go Simon. My sentiments exactly. Sigh...

So Lil Rounds starts off the show... no wait back up a minute... back it on up to the beginning

What was up with that entrance tonight??? Whose brilliant idea was it to have extra creepy announcer dude announce each of the judges as if they were game show contestants? And if that wasn't bad enough, he announced Ryan who then came gliding down this huge staircase as if he were Jesus himself coming straight down from the heavens!?!??! WHAT THE...?!?!? no really, WHAT THE??!??! Just plain weird.

ok, ok, Lil Rounds - sorry, but the pink, one shoulder, ruffled top and her j-lo booty in those white pants was so distracting that I don't think that even in a court of law while under oath with wonder woman's golden truth lasso wrapped around me could I tell you what the heck she even sang now. I could describe every single detail of her outfit and bad pastel makeup. Now that I could tell you wasn't so good and in my opinion neither was the song. So here's the thing, if you have a great performance and no one remembers it - something is not right. If you dress like Beyonce, you better be able to sing like Beyonce. I call that the Voice Outshines Booty Rule.

Scott - piano man is back. Love him at that piano. Perfect crooner voice but what the hell song was that? Was that really a Michael Jackson song?? I don't believe those sacrificial B side songs should count.

Danny - ok my boy Danny can sing whatever the hell he wants. Go on with your bad self boy. But really now Paula, he doesn't move you to tears and all that. Song: PYT. Michael Jackson's version no. Still a good version, yes. And boy has a little more style than you'd expect for a church boy with as white of a white family as that was in that video package tonight. Tell the truth mama - that boy got a little black in him somewhere... you can tell me I won't tell anybody....

Rigger Boy - Although his vocals were good, it was yet another jacko song we have never heard sounding quite like that. That might do him in. These arrangements just stunk up the place I tell you what. If you're a Psycho Miko fan like many of us are it's hard tonight... really hard... to hear these weird arrangements and young kids interpretations of the great gloved one. We lived it. They've only heard about it. You all better recognize.

Jasmine's mom needs a new wig. - Oh shoot, I'm supposed to be talking about Jasmine. Dang. Focus. Ok now FINALLY the best old school Michael song EVER made. I'll be there is legendary for both Michael (and then again for Mariah actually as an incredible remake). And while she was o.k. it's kind of like singing a Mariah tune for me. It's hard to think people are really good when they're singing someone else's very famous hit. You can't touch it.

Kris - hhmm... i am really starting to love this kid's voice. He's all smooth and cool. But it kind of got away from him tonight I think. The guitar was a little weird with this song for me though. Weird combo. But it was ok. Do you remember? Do you remember the time... when we wore a glove? ... Do you remember...

Allison - alright it's scary that this show has been on so freakin long that someone could say "When I was 9 I knew I wanted to audition for American Idol" Nine?!?... sigh... really makes me feel old. But back to her, not me... Another odd song choice. But I just figured it out. These kids are so young that they wouldn't know the best Michael Jackson song to sing. They're just picking from a hat as far as they're concerned. Anywho - i love her. She's got like a girls version of Journey's Steve Perry going on. Love her voice. Cute hair tonight.

Anoop Dawg - this should have been right up his alley. But guess what? He hasn't picked the right song since his audition. Period. He's one of those people that has an amazing voice but somehow manages to screw themselves right out of the competition with stupid song choices! Makes me crazy! But I can't save you now Dawg. I hated this arrangement. Terrible version of a really popular song. And Paula said what I was talking about before with I'll be There - you can't sing a hot song like that and have it be likable. Unless you're really, really good. And he wasn't . He should have chosen Jorge's selection. Would have been much better suited. Cause it sure wasn't right for Jorge... On the flip side, the AI image crew has been working on him and he's more current looking. Won't matter when he's voted off this week.

Jorge - let me down a little bit. He has a great voice and is one of my favorites. But this was not the right song for him. Take it down a notch, too high, weird choice for him and once again the worst arrangement of a song ever. Can I just say again how much I hate these whack arrangements??? He did not sound good singing this at all.

Meagan - Hhhmmm... she picked the perfect song for her if she is ever forced to sing Michael Jackson against her will. I hated her singing it. I just don't happen to think she can sing. And WHAT was she wearing??? Holy cow that was quite possibly the ugliest high school dance looking dress to ever make it off the rack of the old school 5-7-9 shop. Remember those stores? Don't act like I'm the only one! Some of you remember. Anyway, red satin, white lace???, some kinda flower thing at the waist... I don't know anymore... yikes. I think she's getting the boot this week.

Theatre Adam - Really good song choice for that voice. Crazy performer. My favorite nonsensical Randy quote: If you got it, you got it and baby you got it. Favorite nonsensical Paula quote: I'm just mind boggled... HUH??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I love these two. Ok back to Adam - it was good, but now I'm gonna use one of Simon's favorite lines - It's loud in there and I guarantee when you watch this back it won't be as good as you judges think it was. A lot of screaming actually. But it was a hot performance nonetheless as hot rock star performances go. And He is a rock star. But he won't win this competition.

JT - well another good singer who's just intent on dooming himself with sad song choices so I was worried for him tonight cause I know this about him. And thank goodness the smart JT showed up tonight and performed. Good song and he sounded good. Let's face it. This boy has a future whether he wins this or not. (And he won't. Mark my words.) But he'll go far enough to give him the exposure that he needs to break into the biz.

Alexis - well her dad (along with everyone else's tonight apparently - anyone else notice that??)has been a musician for 35 years. So maybe that gives her the sense and edge to pick perfect songs each week? Cause this was the absolute best song in the Michael library for her. However, can we talk about the outfit? Can we just a talk a minute? weird strapless, halter hotpants jumpsuit kind of thing??? What's that about? Who wears that?

Ok. all in all it was actually tough to get thru this marathon 2 hours if you want to know the truth. Maybe it was because I stayed up until 3am last night online trying to decide which new blackberry to upgrade to. (maybe I'll write about that too...) Or... maybe it was because the show was just long and painful after the first hour. Either way, glad that's over. The Michael karaoke night was just about as painful as the Gloria Estefan night years ago, remember that?!? Fantasia, Diana DeGarmo, LaToya London, George Huff, "Red" and let's not forget Jasmine Trias all screaching out the worst versions of Gloria Estefan songs we've ever heard in our lives. To this day that haunts me. yikes. My picks for the golden glove boot off: bad homecoming red dress and either anoop dawg or rigger boy.

I leave you with one final thought. Irritating Judge Kara (IJK) said she hoped Michael Jackson was watching this. Oh yeah, Michael Jackson was watching. He was somewhere looking at a little 15 in screen tv, holding his nose on while getting his massage therapy thinking "When the hell are all the royalty checks gonna start rolling in since all these dumbasses get to sing my 'best of' library??"

Michael, It is what it is. This show will not save the ranch.