Seriously?

SERIOUSLY?

Did you WATCH that spectacle last night?

Trach Boy survives -- which is a freaking crime against humanity -- but whatever. I don't care. No one does. Because over on the other network there was SHOCK and AWE happening. There were required gasps of amazement.

Here's the thing. Trach Boy lives, Down's Boy goes. WHO CARES? This season, Idol is so dull it makes my head hurt. And the Primetime Live special only highlighted that.

Because it made me remember how good the show used to be.

Even with all the scandal. And y'all, there was scandal. They had voice mails from Paula, phone records, witnesses, a bottle of pills prescribed to Paula given to Corey, Hadas aka Sandra Bullock look-a-like expressing her outrage...it was UG-LY.

Two words.

UG. LEE.

But here is how you know I'm a hard core fan. Because the whole time I'm watching this thing, loving me some scandal, loving me some Corey, loving me some Corey's upcoming album (which he took every opportunity to promote as did Primetime)....the WHOLE TIME, I'm thinking about poor Paula.

Poor Paula sitting at home watching this. Horrified. Mortified. And kicking herself. Poor Paula who pulled herself up from Laker Girl to Jackson choreographer to pop star then went down to has-been then PULLED HERSELF UP AGAIN to AI's Cheeriest Judge...Poor Paula was chasing after a contestant like some kind of fool? That's sad, y'all. It is. She's not a crazy lady working at a strip club. She's PAULA. PAU-LA. All I can think is that she must be sad. Really sad. Poor Paula has to be a very lonely, unhappy woman to take up with a baby boy contestant in the first place. Poor Paula whose life is now a train wreck.

She's the Bill Clinton of the AI Nation. Corey's all Monica and Paula's all "did not have sexual relations with that woman" and we're all all "WHA....? Oh NO she didn't!" and the media is having a field day.

It's Clinton all over again. Only, you know...trashy and stupid and not at all relevant to the future of us as a people. But still...I kept waiting for Corey to whip out a stained blue dress and start crying.

All I can do is shake my head.

What did you guys think?

There's a result show tonight...

...but WHO FREAKING CARES?!!!

Wave your hands in the air if you're gonna be glued to the Primetime Live expose on American Idol tonight!

Look at all those hands.

Face it: we are Idol-maniacs, yes. We love the Idol. We worship us some Idol. But how can we ignore a whole hour devoted to exposing our beloved Idol's seedy side? It's like we get to see the secrets Idol has been keeping. The back fat, if you will. Yes, I said back fat. That flabby chunk of lard that hangs over the back of your jeans but gets covered by your t-shirt. Well, the Idol t-shirt is off and the back fat is on display!

How excited am I?

Can I get a "whoo-hoo!" Can I get a "wha...wha!!" Now shake it, shake it, shake it like a Poloroid picture...

Okay. Let me get my act together and stop acting like a fool on this blog. It's just that I'm so very excited. And loving the idea that one network has been secretly working on a story about another network. It's beautiful television.

It's why television was created, people.

Clearly, I'll be blogging after the West Coast airing of "Fallen Idol". As for the actual Idol show...look, Fedorov must go. That's all I'm saying. If he's still around after tonight, I don't know if I can survive another week of him singing.

Gotta go.