So the sickness that had Sandie's house down for the count has flown 2000 miles West to hit my house.
Ach.
But despite the sweaty, feverish child who insisted upon watching more Dora the Explorer than I ever thought possible, I did manage to catch the vote-off show.
Cheers! To Makalah, who I was quite sure would have lost it in a big way with the boo-hoos had she not been voted through. I know a lot of you hate her. But I think she's adorable. So I was thrilled!
Wha...?! To the people who voted off Nikko and kept Constantine. Okay, y'all know I think he's adorable. I luv him. I heart Constantine, okay? BUT HE CAN NOT SING.
CAN.
NOT.
SING.
It's a hard ugly truth that we all have to face. Pretty boy. Bad voice. He has no place in the top twelve. Really. Bo is going to kick his butt. EVERYONE is going to kick his butt. And here's the other thing. Nothing kills a love like ours than watching a rocker with a bad voice sing cheesey 70s music in a group with coordinated dance steps. I mean, Connie's a bad boy. Nothing bad boy about matching outfits, if you know what I'm saying. GO HOME, CONSTANTINE!!! GO HOME BEFORE THEY KILL YOUR MOJO!!!!!!!
And to everyone else who made it...good for you. I thought the voting was fair. Avila Vegas Chick and Jenay-nay needed to go home. Travis Tucker can go commit his vocal crimes somewhere else. But I was disappointed about Nikko. Yeah, he looks like Bobby Brown. But that boy could sing.
Unlike Constantine.
Who is beautiful.
BUT.
CAN.
NOT.
SING!!!!
One last note: a viewer wrote to say they thought that Constantine was wearing a Justin Guarini t-shirt on the show. That can not be, I thought. So I re-watched carefully. And I think it's true. CONSTANTINE WAS WEARING A JUSTIN GUARINI T-SHIRT.
Now, as we all know, in accordance with the 2004 People With Taste v. CAST of From Justin to Kelly ruling, Constantine should be AUTOMATICALLY banned from the show and perhaps deported from the country. A Justin G shirt? Seriously?
SERIOUSLY?
Constantine, your mojo is now in question...
Mar 11, 2005
Mar 7, 2005
It Happened...
The change.
It happened.
And it didn't just happen.
Oh, no, y'all.
The change DONE GONE and HAPPENED.
DONE GONE.
Was I the only one who felt it? Was I alone? Or did you too feel the tingle of AI Seasons Past on your Tivo tonight? Did you too feel the magic? Did you too feel that certain need to...hmmm...how shall I put it...how to be delicate about this...
Aw, heck.
Did ya feel the need to toss your panties at your TV screen?!
Cause I did. I was wishing I'd worn more than one pair so I didn't have to keep running back to retrieve the first pair just so I could throw it again.
The change done gone and happened. The contestants stepped up their games, the contenders stepped forward from the pretenders, there was SANGING up in the TV tongiht.
What a relief. Because I was just about ready to turn my back on this season. And I now I have a reason to believe again.
(insert dance of joy here)
Okay. Let's talk about tonight. Let's get down to the nitty gritty details of who was great, who was good and well...who was Travis.
THE GREATS: Let me start by saying that for the first time, I realized that the talent in this year's competition is much greater than in past seasons. I just never noticed it until now.
1) Until tonight, every time Sandie mentioned Mario, I'd say "Mario Who?" And then she'd have to describe him in detail. And I still would have no idea who she was talking about. But tonight....oh, Mario, sweet Mario. I love him. LOVE him. LUUUUUUUUV HIM. How is it possible that I never noticed that he is both gorgeous AND has a voice like butter? I blame the hats. Because when I went back to check past episodes, that boy (in keeping with the fashion trend/fashion nightmare of this season) is always wearing a hat.
STOP WITH THE HATS. All of you. Hats ain't good. It's neither 1934 nor is your name Usher. Put the hat down and back away from it slowly...
Anyway, Mario. Sweet Mario -- as I now call him -- has a tremendous voice. Pure and clean. And tonight, I noticed it for the first time. Which is a good thiing because Mario was about to have his butt voted off the show. Mario needs to be in the Final Twelve. Because Mario started the wave of panty-throwing in my house. Okay, it was just me by myself. And I didn't actually throw my panties. But I did pick up an extra pair of my daughter's Dora the Explorer pull-ups and toss them in the general direction of my TV. He has the IT I've been waiting for.
2) As does Nikko. Who I've been hating on both for his hats and his decision to pretend his name isn't Osbourne. But I'm letting that all go. Because, face it, that boy can sing. Didn't send me over the edge tonight but it's clear he has talent.
3) Who else was great? Bo. Bo was great. Mostly because I am still loving Bo from last week. But also because this week, Bo's voice tricked me into thinking Bo was cute. I sat there, staring at his split-end ridden hair and his weak chin and bad skin and thought, 'That Bo sure is cute." Now, I'm not blind. I know he's ugly. But he's cute now. Why? Cause he can sing. That's the power of a good voice.
4) ANWAR!!!!!!!!!!!! Y'all, I wasn't a believer. I just wasn't. I didn't like the super long locks and the sweetness and the old-guy thing he has going on. But DID YOU HEAR HIM TONIGHT? DID YA HEAR? I LOVE YOU, ANWAR! He may be my secret husband of the season. And he is, unquestionably, one of the best singers there. He gets points for song choice and for tying his hair back and for holding a note so long he had to rear back on one leg to keep from falling over. Panties thrown all over the place. ANWAR!!!!!!!
THE GOOD:
5) I put Scott in this category mainly because I know he has a great voice although it clearly wasn't in evidence tonight. He was channeling Ruben so hard I thought I actually saw him gain a few pounds during the song. Not good. The problem with Scott is, he's not a performer. He has a great voice. And now he has some sweet facial hair that helped put an end to his whole Down's look. But he' doesn't shine or seem comfortable on stage. Week after week, I find myself fast-forwarding through his song. I would have nailed my toes to the floor before fast-forwarding through a single Ruben Studdard performance. Which tells you what it is Scott is missing.
6) It is only because I am striving not to let my hatred for Trach Boy get in the way of my judging skills that I add Anthony Fedorov to this category. He sang fine. I still hate him. I still can't stand his snivelling, "look, I'm like Clay", ooh, I was sick as a kid, pinhead personality. He clearly likes himself an awful lot. Good for him, I say. But I simply cannot bear to watch him. Go away, Trach Boy.
7) Okay, I know Constantine wasn't REALLY good. But he's so cute. And his name is Constantine. Simon had it right when he said the performance felt like a bad impersonation of Sting. But he's so cute. And his name is Constantine...
TRAVIS
8) I have named this category after the only person in it. Travis. And, in an attempt to put an end to the crimes he's committing, I will now speak directly to him: GO HOME TRAVIS! GO! HOME! You can't sing! You can barely dance! YOU ARE NOT MICHAEL JACKSON!!!! YOU ARE NOT BOBBY BROWN!!! A cute smile is not enough! Poppin' and moonwalking stopped working back in 1987!! Wake up! GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAN FROM AND LEAVE MY TV ALONE!!! GO!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND TALENTED....GET OUT AND NEVER EVER TRY TO SING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Y'all, let's all bow our heads and pray that he heard me.
Looking forward to tomorrow night! I hope the ladies caught the change from the men and BRING IT!
It happened.
And it didn't just happen.
Oh, no, y'all.
The change DONE GONE and HAPPENED.
DONE GONE.
Was I the only one who felt it? Was I alone? Or did you too feel the tingle of AI Seasons Past on your Tivo tonight? Did you too feel the magic? Did you too feel that certain need to...hmmm...how shall I put it...how to be delicate about this...
Aw, heck.
Did ya feel the need to toss your panties at your TV screen?!
Cause I did. I was wishing I'd worn more than one pair so I didn't have to keep running back to retrieve the first pair just so I could throw it again.
The change done gone and happened. The contestants stepped up their games, the contenders stepped forward from the pretenders, there was SANGING up in the TV tongiht.
What a relief. Because I was just about ready to turn my back on this season. And I now I have a reason to believe again.
(insert dance of joy here)
Okay. Let's talk about tonight. Let's get down to the nitty gritty details of who was great, who was good and well...who was Travis.
THE GREATS: Let me start by saying that for the first time, I realized that the talent in this year's competition is much greater than in past seasons. I just never noticed it until now.
1) Until tonight, every time Sandie mentioned Mario, I'd say "Mario Who?" And then she'd have to describe him in detail. And I still would have no idea who she was talking about. But tonight....oh, Mario, sweet Mario. I love him. LOVE him. LUUUUUUUUV HIM. How is it possible that I never noticed that he is both gorgeous AND has a voice like butter? I blame the hats. Because when I went back to check past episodes, that boy (in keeping with the fashion trend/fashion nightmare of this season) is always wearing a hat.
STOP WITH THE HATS. All of you. Hats ain't good. It's neither 1934 nor is your name Usher. Put the hat down and back away from it slowly...
Anyway, Mario. Sweet Mario -- as I now call him -- has a tremendous voice. Pure and clean. And tonight, I noticed it for the first time. Which is a good thiing because Mario was about to have his butt voted off the show. Mario needs to be in the Final Twelve. Because Mario started the wave of panty-throwing in my house. Okay, it was just me by myself. And I didn't actually throw my panties. But I did pick up an extra pair of my daughter's Dora the Explorer pull-ups and toss them in the general direction of my TV. He has the IT I've been waiting for.
2) As does Nikko. Who I've been hating on both for his hats and his decision to pretend his name isn't Osbourne. But I'm letting that all go. Because, face it, that boy can sing. Didn't send me over the edge tonight but it's clear he has talent.
3) Who else was great? Bo. Bo was great. Mostly because I am still loving Bo from last week. But also because this week, Bo's voice tricked me into thinking Bo was cute. I sat there, staring at his split-end ridden hair and his weak chin and bad skin and thought, 'That Bo sure is cute." Now, I'm not blind. I know he's ugly. But he's cute now. Why? Cause he can sing. That's the power of a good voice.
4) ANWAR!!!!!!!!!!!! Y'all, I wasn't a believer. I just wasn't. I didn't like the super long locks and the sweetness and the old-guy thing he has going on. But DID YOU HEAR HIM TONIGHT? DID YA HEAR? I LOVE YOU, ANWAR! He may be my secret husband of the season. And he is, unquestionably, one of the best singers there. He gets points for song choice and for tying his hair back and for holding a note so long he had to rear back on one leg to keep from falling over. Panties thrown all over the place. ANWAR!!!!!!!
THE GOOD:
5) I put Scott in this category mainly because I know he has a great voice although it clearly wasn't in evidence tonight. He was channeling Ruben so hard I thought I actually saw him gain a few pounds during the song. Not good. The problem with Scott is, he's not a performer. He has a great voice. And now he has some sweet facial hair that helped put an end to his whole Down's look. But he' doesn't shine or seem comfortable on stage. Week after week, I find myself fast-forwarding through his song. I would have nailed my toes to the floor before fast-forwarding through a single Ruben Studdard performance. Which tells you what it is Scott is missing.
6) It is only because I am striving not to let my hatred for Trach Boy get in the way of my judging skills that I add Anthony Fedorov to this category. He sang fine. I still hate him. I still can't stand his snivelling, "look, I'm like Clay", ooh, I was sick as a kid, pinhead personality. He clearly likes himself an awful lot. Good for him, I say. But I simply cannot bear to watch him. Go away, Trach Boy.
7) Okay, I know Constantine wasn't REALLY good. But he's so cute. And his name is Constantine. Simon had it right when he said the performance felt like a bad impersonation of Sting. But he's so cute. And his name is Constantine...
TRAVIS
8) I have named this category after the only person in it. Travis. And, in an attempt to put an end to the crimes he's committing, I will now speak directly to him: GO HOME TRAVIS! GO! HOME! You can't sing! You can barely dance! YOU ARE NOT MICHAEL JACKSON!!!! YOU ARE NOT BOBBY BROWN!!! A cute smile is not enough! Poppin' and moonwalking stopped working back in 1987!! Wake up! GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAN FROM AND LEAVE MY TV ALONE!!! GO!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND TALENTED....GET OUT AND NEVER EVER TRY TO SING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Y'all, let's all bow our heads and pray that he heard me.
Looking forward to tomorrow night! I hope the ladies caught the change from the men and BRING IT!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
