So here's the thing...

It's just not BAM! PLOW! KABAM! throw your panties on the stage singing yet.

Is it me?

I think not.

O.k. I have my favorites. But there has not been one performance yet that made me scream in my living room and speed dial Shonda so I could give her a preview 3 hours early. Rocker Boy Bo was pretty close this week. Close.

I'm wondering if I'm disillusioned partly because most of those people had absolutely stellar auditions and we expected Luther Vandross and Whitney Houston performances out of them in this round. Didn't you? I did. I mean Scott, David, Vonzell and Janay were so hot every time we saw them.... until now. Luther and Whitney hot. Now they're only Sporty Spice and Bobby Brown hot.

Actually Bobby Brown was hot in his day. Unfortunately all we remember now is domestic violence, get out of jail free card Bobby in his last televised appearance as part of his wife's last televised concert. Both Bobby and Whitney were skinny looking and sweating crack out of their pores like hookers in church on Sunday. And both sounded only half of what they were so famous for. But that's another story. But speaking of Bobby Brown...

Nikko Smith - the funniest moment of the men's show was when Simon said that he was now looking like Bobby Brown. And it was true. And then Randy said, "Yeah, and Simon is looking like Whitney". And it was true. Poor crackhead Whitney. A legend gone bad. (my head is shaking people cause I loves me some BodyGuard Whitney. Maybe she can make a comeback...) ANYWAY... Nikko is changing up his image and getting some votes for that right now. I wouldn't say it was for singing. He hasn't shown us the talent we saw in the auditions either.

It's hard to stay on track this week.

O.k. So the voters got it right with Joseph and Celina coming in last. They were dead wrong with David and Aloha Beyonce. I hated Aloha Beyonce ya'll, but the girl could sing. She didn't have the best week, but there are 2 others that should have gone way before her that's for sure. Her straight hair was awfully cute on the results show, but I'm just glad we didn't have to witness any Beyonce bootyliscious outfits on her in the weeks to come. I will say that as much as I loved me some David he was certainly lacking the flash we saw in the audition rounds and the voters weren't willing to give him anymore chances. Now he'll just go back home to his church and sing. The old church ladies will be forever saying "Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Baby you know you sho' can sing." You know, this brings up a point. There are some incredibly talented people singing in churches all over the country ya'll. David is a prime example of the fact that not all of them are meant to be pop performers. A great singer is not necessarily the same thing as a great performer.

Case in point: Travis. He should have been voted off... but he wasn't. And do you know why? Cause he has the ability to make you THINK you just saw something good. All you really saw was him dancing around oozing showmanship. I mean he sang Lionel Richie's "All Night Long" people!! All Night Long?!?! TRAVIS! I would slap you silly if you were sitting next to me right now. You got away with one this week. 3 Times a Lady, Endless Love.... now those are some Lionel Richie songs boy. But then again you have to be a great singer to pull off those two songs don't you. You better show me something Travis. I like you, but I'm losing patience with you.

O.k. so in the You Were "Aiight" category this week: Anwar, Mario, Scott, Carrie, Vonzell. Once again, good, but nothing to jump off the couch about.

The I'll Admit You Can Sing, But Can't Stand Watching You Category: Mikalah, Trach Boy, Vegas Showgirl and Nadia. Don't write me. I can't stand Nadia. I know ya'll like her. I don't like watching her and her personality leaves something to be desired as well, but she can sing. Whatever, I'll say what I want. Mikalah admittedly had a very good performance this week. Excellent... as long as she doesn't open her mouth to do anything but sing. Someone has been coaching her, that's for sure, cause she sure toned it down this week. Even Simon commented on it. Now Vegas Showgirl... she started out with a Gloria Estefan tune and I had flashbacks to the worst show of last season: the Gloria Estefan night. We said back then that those songs seemed to be singable by Gloria and only Gloria. But guess what? Showgirl sang that song ya'll. She sang it. And it sounded good (if you forget the key change moment which everyone should avoid anyway). She has a voice, that's for sure. But it's no pop star voice. Stick to Vegas girl. Don't quit your night job. And finally Trach Boy. I just hate him. That's all. Go home. He's milking the "I'm a miracle child" angle so hard I half expect him to break out singing "I Will Survive" next week. Yuck. Stop voting for this boy people. PLEASE!

And finally, the You Really Ought To Give It Up category: Janay, Jessica, Lindsey and Constantine. Just not enough oomph to stand up to this competition. None of them out and out suck.... but I'm ready to cut these 4 loose. Alright. You don't think I know how many of you are just in LOVE with Constantine? I know. Believe me, I hear you. But cute or not... this is just another Kim Caldwell contestant in the making. Looks and a little talent propelled her through much of the later portion of the competition. The same is happening to Constantine right now. Let's admit it. His performance this week was mediocre at best. If I'm keeping it real, I'd actually say it was painful for me (all that out of tune screaming just didn't cut it). Cute, yes, but I've moved on. Voters, you should too.

The one person I haven't mentioned yet? BO.

ROCK ON BO!!!! What's that you say?

Look, I sooooo do not enjoy this type of music. Not even a little. But that's how you know someone performed the heck out of something. If you hate the music, but when it's over you still find yourself saying "Dude, you worked it out! That was the bomb!", you know that boy was performing his butt off. That, by the way, is what Randy had to say. Not me. Just in case you were wondering. But I was thinking it. Bo is a rocker who can really sing. He is not a metal rocker who plays a mean guitar, but spends his time screaming the song with no real vocal talent. Don't get me wrong, a lot of rockers are famous for just that. HUGE heavy metal band followings. But this boy is the real deal. He's Journey and Steve Perry voice real. He's Freddie Mercury and Queen real. I can't say I think he'll have staying power in this particular competition. But the boy is holding his own with his own genre right now. Wait til he has to sing disco or country though.... that will be worth recording for the laugh I'm sure. Who knows. He might surprise us all and be just as versatile as Ruben was. Well.... that's we'll have to wait to see....

So here's the wrap up. Thank goodness the results show was only a half hour. Bo can officially sing. Constantine is just cute. A few of you need to stop frontin' and go home, performing in the big time isn't for you. Everyone else is doing "aiight".

I apologize for not writing after the shows this week, but we are all sicker than dogs around here. I haven't the strength to walk down to the computer at that time of night. Maybe this can be my excuse for buying that laptop I keep saying I have no reason to buy... hhhhmmm. Alright I'll get a grip. Thanks to High Lord Dave for pointing people to your rantings for the week so they could get their Idol fix!

I leave you with one question though. How do the producers get those girls to say that stupid stuff in the interviews they show just before they sing each week? Someone please tell them to just keep their mouths shut or say something half way intelligent sounding for once!!

I'm out.

Our apologies...

We've gotten your emails and we feel your pain.

Things have been a little crazy in both Casa Shonda and Casa Sandie. But rest assured we will be fully reviewing this week's AI over the weekend with plenty of juicy tidbits...

...and don't worry. We'll be back on schedule next week!