Well, well, well... so the marketing is getting a little slicker this time around. I didn't say sophisticated, I said slick.
AI The Magazine is out and you may want to go get one this weekend before the voting begins. Now... let's be real here... it is, what it is. A magazine with cheesy articles and contestant liners and "inside peeks" at this and that. We could all easily guess the content of this magazine before picking it up. But, it does have some info about each of the finalists, articles about our previous winners as well as a nice scorecard feature. For me, the scorecard was the selling feature. There are scorecards for each week of the semi-finals and the finals that give you space to write each performer's name, their song choice, judge how they did using the same 5 categories the judges supposedly use and write down the phone number of who you want to vote for. I'm always searching for and scribbling mad crazy notes all over the back of the cable bill or whatever else I can find each week. Don't ask me... I don't know. But this will help me get through all of these weeks with less mayhem.
Alright. Buy a copy. It is a little pricey for what it is... but what isn't these days? I guess you can also get a subsciption - although I don't know what purpose that serves even coming from a psycho AI fan.... but who am I? You can check it out at aithemagazine.com as well.
I'm out.
Feb 19, 2005
Feb 18, 2005
Moving on...
So I'm done talking about the sad ones. Here we go.
Therapists all over the country are raising their rates even as we speak to take advantage of all the A.I. wannabes. All those singers who actually got voted off a few months ago but now, after seeing themselves on t.v. and reliving it all over again in front of millions.... well.... they need some therapy. At the top of the list: Faith Gatewood.
Come on. You knew I was going there.
Faith I just lost my mind on national t.v. Gatewood. The line I loved was "I just wanted someone to see me.." Guess what honey... We saw you. Ohhhhh we saw you alright. Didn't notice all those t.v. cameras in your face the whole time you were in Hollywood girl? We saw you. She had a good voice. True, true. But not quite what they were looking for. A little rough around the edges with her huge crazy diva weave. And who finishes their final solo performance to the judges with a "BOOP" with the hand and all as if to say, now take that. Play it back. I swear. The sad part is that she took this one moment in time and equated it to every other moment of her life. Therapists be on the lookout for this girl. She's coming.
I didn't recognize many of the final 24. Did anyone else feel like this?!? I told you we'd be asking ourselves "Where the heck did they come from?!?". My favorites made it through though so I'm good to go. Now, there are two very different categories. The hot picks that I think will make it far in the voting process and my favorites who I happen to love, but don't think they'll get the votes. My hot picks stand at:
Scott, Vonzell, Anwar, Constantine, Janay, Mario, David Brown, Carrie Underwood and yes... Mikalah. Don't look all confused. I still can't stand that girl. But the reality is I predict her appeal is going to be the worst thing thats happened to an AI competition since show choir horror Madrigal Mishap Carmen from season 2. At least this girl can actually sing. That's all I have to say about that. My favorites outside of the hot picks are Travis Tucker and Nikko.
NIKKO??!!!?? Nikko?!?! you say? Where the heck did he come from? I know that's what you're saying. That's what I was saying. Until I replayed his entrance into the final judging. He sauntered in wearing all black, a hat, funky glasses and when Randy asked him how he was doing he answered "Chillin' like a villian". It clicked. I HAVE seen him before. We saw him audition in St. Louis and he was G-O-O-D too. But his name wasn't Nikko. It was Osborne Smith II. Ozzie Smith's son. Remember now?!? He walked into the audition room and was wearing the very same outfit, glasses and all and said the very same thing... chillin' like a villian. This villian is contestant number 13362 and with that, I knew Ozzie 2 and Nikko were one in the same. You think old Ozzie 2 wants to bust it out on his own without the famous name following him? OR was it all a scam? I mean we don't really believe that freak who said he was Toni Braxton's cousin was really any relation do we? That was just pathetic wasn't it? Whatever the reason. Nikko... go on with your bad self.
Anyway, I'm sticking with my hot picks for now. And we'll see how this boys, versus girls, bottom 2 get voted off, 3 night format is gonna shake down the talent this year.
I'm out.
Therapists all over the country are raising their rates even as we speak to take advantage of all the A.I. wannabes. All those singers who actually got voted off a few months ago but now, after seeing themselves on t.v. and reliving it all over again in front of millions.... well.... they need some therapy. At the top of the list: Faith Gatewood.
Come on. You knew I was going there.
Faith I just lost my mind on national t.v. Gatewood. The line I loved was "I just wanted someone to see me.." Guess what honey... We saw you. Ohhhhh we saw you alright. Didn't notice all those t.v. cameras in your face the whole time you were in Hollywood girl? We saw you. She had a good voice. True, true. But not quite what they were looking for. A little rough around the edges with her huge crazy diva weave. And who finishes their final solo performance to the judges with a "BOOP" with the hand and all as if to say, now take that. Play it back. I swear. The sad part is that she took this one moment in time and equated it to every other moment of her life. Therapists be on the lookout for this girl. She's coming.
I didn't recognize many of the final 24. Did anyone else feel like this?!? I told you we'd be asking ourselves "Where the heck did they come from?!?". My favorites made it through though so I'm good to go. Now, there are two very different categories. The hot picks that I think will make it far in the voting process and my favorites who I happen to love, but don't think they'll get the votes. My hot picks stand at:
Scott, Vonzell, Anwar, Constantine, Janay, Mario, David Brown, Carrie Underwood and yes... Mikalah. Don't look all confused. I still can't stand that girl. But the reality is I predict her appeal is going to be the worst thing thats happened to an AI competition since show choir horror Madrigal Mishap Carmen from season 2. At least this girl can actually sing. That's all I have to say about that. My favorites outside of the hot picks are Travis Tucker and Nikko.
NIKKO??!!!?? Nikko?!?! you say? Where the heck did he come from? I know that's what you're saying. That's what I was saying. Until I replayed his entrance into the final judging. He sauntered in wearing all black, a hat, funky glasses and when Randy asked him how he was doing he answered "Chillin' like a villian". It clicked. I HAVE seen him before. We saw him audition in St. Louis and he was G-O-O-D too. But his name wasn't Nikko. It was Osborne Smith II. Ozzie Smith's son. Remember now?!? He walked into the audition room and was wearing the very same outfit, glasses and all and said the very same thing... chillin' like a villian. This villian is contestant number 13362 and with that, I knew Ozzie 2 and Nikko were one in the same. You think old Ozzie 2 wants to bust it out on his own without the famous name following him? OR was it all a scam? I mean we don't really believe that freak who said he was Toni Braxton's cousin was really any relation do we? That was just pathetic wasn't it? Whatever the reason. Nikko... go on with your bad self.
Anyway, I'm sticking with my hot picks for now. And we'll see how this boys, versus girls, bottom 2 get voted off, 3 night format is gonna shake down the talent this year.
I'm out.
The saddest vote off ever...
HHmmm.... perhaps the saddest vote off I've ever seen occurred on Wednesday night's show. While trimming the group down to 24 we saw poor J.P. (Jamie Paul) Koehler sit in disbelief staring blankly at Paula, Randy and Simon as Randy tried desperately to keep it together himself. Paula turned away, looked down at the table, where ever she could other than at J.P. If you rewind and watch Randy closely you can see the torture on his face. Simon, for once, said absolutely nothing. Poor Jamie had big dreams Shonda. And like it or not, he just didn't want to believe his dreams were going down the A.I. toilet along with crazy girl Faith Gatewood's. He just sat there and the judges didn't know what to say. And when he choked out the words "You were all very good to me. Every one of you." That was it for me. I broke down. And so did Randy. Jumping to his feet and asking for a hug from good old J.P. was just a pathetic attempt at some personal absolution for killing this young man's dream of being somebody.
Alright, go back home, get a job Jamie and move on. The truth is he choked in the group competition. I'll say it. It's the killer trainwreck I told you about. It gets many a good singer knocked out of the running. And guess who said this very thing the night before the group round? Scott Savol. Remember what he said about his fears of performing with his group? He's seen many people go down with a bad group and he wasn't going down like that. Ya'll thought he was snotty and all kinds of anti-social for saying it didn't you? Admit it. I heard you. But ya'll know that boy was right. Scott lives on in the competition, but his group mates do not. J.P. does not. And neither do any of his group mates. Curses to that group number. Curses for making me sit through that horribly painful moment with poor Jamie Paul Koehler.
A moment of silence for Jamie Paul Koehler's dream.
Alright. I'm over it now.
I'm out.
Alright, go back home, get a job Jamie and move on. The truth is he choked in the group competition. I'll say it. It's the killer trainwreck I told you about. It gets many a good singer knocked out of the running. And guess who said this very thing the night before the group round? Scott Savol. Remember what he said about his fears of performing with his group? He's seen many people go down with a bad group and he wasn't going down like that. Ya'll thought he was snotty and all kinds of anti-social for saying it didn't you? Admit it. I heard you. But ya'll know that boy was right. Scott lives on in the competition, but his group mates do not. J.P. does not. And neither do any of his group mates. Curses to that group number. Curses for making me sit through that horribly painful moment with poor Jamie Paul Koehler.
A moment of silence for Jamie Paul Koehler's dream.
Alright. I'm over it now.
I'm out.
Feb 16, 2005
Just the tip of the iceberg...
I'll write more later but here are the highlights...
1) A lot of people can sing one song well but can't actually sing. Did you notice that? People who rocked in the opening rounds, sounded HORRIFIC the minute they stepped outside their musical comfort zone. Examples? James Brown Boy. San Francisco Crooner Man. Preacher Man. I could go on and on.
2) Belly shirts and hooker clothes are over. Vogue said so. Put some clothes on, people. Besides, there are very few people on the planet who look good half-naked. Like two people. Like Halle Berry and....okay, there's like one person. The rest of you -- cover your flab, please.
3) Cheap clothes look cheap. See #2.
4) Crazy It's Pat Aa'shia girl didn't make it. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Her mother must be flipping out. I say, take your helium voice someplace else. And figure out who and/or what you are, honey.
5) People with big dreams are annoying. People with big dreams who can't sing and get humiliated on American Idol are funny.
The lowlights will come later.
1) A lot of people can sing one song well but can't actually sing. Did you notice that? People who rocked in the opening rounds, sounded HORRIFIC the minute they stepped outside their musical comfort zone. Examples? James Brown Boy. San Francisco Crooner Man. Preacher Man. I could go on and on.
2) Belly shirts and hooker clothes are over. Vogue said so. Put some clothes on, people. Besides, there are very few people on the planet who look good half-naked. Like two people. Like Halle Berry and....okay, there's like one person. The rest of you -- cover your flab, please.
3) Cheap clothes look cheap. See #2.
4) Crazy It's Pat Aa'shia girl didn't make it. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Her mother must be flipping out. I say, take your helium voice someplace else. And figure out who and/or what you are, honey.
5) People with big dreams are annoying. People with big dreams who can't sing and get humiliated on American Idol are funny.
The lowlights will come later.
Feb 13, 2005
Relax...
O.K. Shonda get a grip. It's not all that bad. Really it isn't.
I'm not saying I'm all overwhelmed with excitement or anything each show. But I think it has more to do with the new sudden death elimination than lack of talent. The way they get one 30 second chance with no comments makes it very dry. We used to see more of the performer from their start in Hollywood, how the judges reacted to them, the comments like how badly they were dressed or how much it sucked that they couldn't remember the words or how they really nailed it... blah, blah, blah. We'd watch for them in the next round to see changes in attitude, improvements in wardrobe or how much worse they could be and what the judges had to say each time. There isn't any of that with this format. For the most part, we're seeing them once in the whole process basically for a split second. They sing and the judges say goodbye or see you tomorrow and that's IT. And because we keep seeing different people we can't even get a hot spot with anyone. There are a few we saw twice between the 2 days. But their are also ALOT of people we haven't even seen yet. I guarantee we see people sing next week and say to ourselves "where was she last week?!?". Almost 100 people were cut the very first day in Hollywood in a split second and we only saw about 15 people sing!
That's how I'm feeling. Blaming it on the format.
That said, I have reconciled the new format in my head and moved on so I could enjoy it anyway. BUT... let me say this AI producers: The sudden death format.... not so hot. In theory, sure it's great for the judges. As it translates to viewer satisfaction though - not so much. And it IS a t.v. show isn't it? Who came up with the big idea? Look, if you are the person who came up with this brilliant idea while walking your dog and picking up crap with your pooper scooper before work one day and pitched it at the morning concept meeting, email me. We need to chat. Really. Let's talk.
ANYWAY.... I'm making my own razz-ma-tazz in my head after a decidely less than hot audition period. And I do have some favorites already. Among them are as one reader commented Mario Vasquez and Scott Savol. Both of whom had HOT vocal performances both Tues. & Wed. show, and particularly in the dreaded group performance that I hate each year. That group thing is just a train wreck waiting to happen no matter how well you sing. Just craptastic each year. Sorry, I digress. Anyway, Mario and Scott at least sounded good. Very good. Their shortcomings: Mario might have a little too much RuPaul in him to go all the way and Scott... well he's been a bit out there for sure. They both need to get it together if they want to make it much further. I also like the music teacher with the dreadlocks, Anwar. Love his voice. He might be one of those coming in under the radar. Another one I loved from Tues. but didn't see Wed. in the group thing was David Brown. Very good looking, with braids, smooth silky voice. Love him.
Rashida Johnson battling an illness and sounding like a super hot diva despite her loss of voice is another one of my favorites. She just needs to figure out that big girls can be cute with a little longer skirt going on. Too much thigh going on girl. I'm scared that if you bend over your behind will be out - too short.
An entire male group performance I liked was Anwar, Jamar (one of the twins) and Mario. You already know I like Anwar and Mario. The twin can sing his butt off. But simmer down... you are not the lead singer of Journey. You are on American Idol. That's it. Take off those ridiculous gloves and just sing. Funny thing, he's actually good at singing well while doing the antics. The twin brother Lamar.... not so much. Twin #2 jumping around the stage just looked like a fool. He forgot to actually sing. One made it, one didn't. Go figure. Like I said before.... it's not called Twin Idols. Note to the twin that made it: Please spare me the antics next time and just sing. You were about one hop and a yell short of being accused of being a crack addict. I won't say it... yet.
Girls... let's see. An entire girl trio that I liked was the one with the crazy Gypsy Mama Rose parents directing their practice session. Gina's dad was there giving them life's lessons and dance moves and Janay's mama was there writing lyrics on chart paper. The third girl, Natalie, oddly enough didn't need her parents there to ruin her practice session - she did it all by herself with her I'm a choreographer we don't need to know the words right now, just dance psychosis that irritated the other girls. I, however, unlike the judges thought all three of them could sing when it came down to the actual performance. Poor choreographer wannabe Natalie got the short end of the stick though because she was singing with two voices that were soooo much hotter than hers that she almost bored you when it was her turn. She was a Debbie Gibson kinda hot voice while the other 2 were Motown hot voices. Wrong time, wrong place is what got her. Or maybe it was the bright yellow spaghetti strap top with layers of ruffles or whatever that thing was that got her cut. Speaking of outfits, Janay honey... wow. Tuesday's hot yellow jumpsuit... I don't even know what to say. And Wednesday... well I've never seen so much bling on a 17 year old. Maybe her mama bought some of Beyonce's old outfits auctioned on eBay. Complete with jewelry and shoes. BLING! Sold to the highest bidder! Stop trying to look so old honey. Keep in mind that's one of Simon's biggest pet peeves ya'll.
The group with the crazy girl Elizabeth who couldn't remember any words to save her life... well that was all the entertainment we needed. Note to crazy Elizabeth: Your statement to the judges "I'm really good though" should only be said once you've ACTUALLY sung something honey. SINGING involves words and you didn't use any. Stop spending so much time choosing bad outfits that show too much skin and start working on your singing. You are not Britney Spears yet.
The I'm sad these people were cut already category: Farm boy, oh how I loved hearing farm boy in his audition. Girl who sold her wedding ring to get there - she'll need therapy now and her hubby better be pretty understanding about the ring.
Here is my those to watch summary: Gina and Janay from the group performance were both very good. Janay Catine could turn out to be another irritatingly cute 17 year old with a hot voice though. I think she'll be around a while. The older crowd between 26 & 28 years old coming in this year is bringing us some great talent in Rashida Johnson, Mario Vasquez, Scott Savol and Anwar Robinson. Farm girl Carrie Underwood was still alive after Tuesday's show, but then we never saw her perform in the group portion Wednesday. Same goes for my boy David Brown. Hopefully they're still around.
The irritating the H#!! out of me already category: Mikalah Gordon has got to be the most irritating 16 year old I have seen in a long time. You know, the one who is glad she made it so she can finally get her mom those breast implants she's always wanted. What the...?!?! Mom, you both need to be slapped and brought back down to reality. That girl brings more makeup, attitude and inappropriate behavior to the stage than anyone we've seen since the show first aired. And she's 16. Once again... a 16 year old. Aisha the rapping Lil Romeo trapped in a girl's body hasn't been seen yet, so she gets a pass in this category for now. And while I was hoping she was among the first 100 cut the first day in Hollywood, I caught a shot of her in the clip from the upcoming show so somehow she may have made it through. We'll see.
And finally, I've said before that I'm over the judges fights... whatever. Note to AI producers: this does not help viewers (and future voters) feel like their getting a fair and good talent base to choose from when you keep showing the judges fighting over who gets in and who goes home. Once again AI producers... email me. Let's talk. Don't be shy.
I'm out. (and to those of you who laughed at me when I mentioned Debbie Gibson... big whoop. Debbie Gibson was very cool back in the day. So Natalie honey, don't give up your dream. There IS a market for your hot teen pop voice. )
I'm not saying I'm all overwhelmed with excitement or anything each show. But I think it has more to do with the new sudden death elimination than lack of talent. The way they get one 30 second chance with no comments makes it very dry. We used to see more of the performer from their start in Hollywood, how the judges reacted to them, the comments like how badly they were dressed or how much it sucked that they couldn't remember the words or how they really nailed it... blah, blah, blah. We'd watch for them in the next round to see changes in attitude, improvements in wardrobe or how much worse they could be and what the judges had to say each time. There isn't any of that with this format. For the most part, we're seeing them once in the whole process basically for a split second. They sing and the judges say goodbye or see you tomorrow and that's IT. And because we keep seeing different people we can't even get a hot spot with anyone. There are a few we saw twice between the 2 days. But their are also ALOT of people we haven't even seen yet. I guarantee we see people sing next week and say to ourselves "where was she last week?!?". Almost 100 people were cut the very first day in Hollywood in a split second and we only saw about 15 people sing!
That's how I'm feeling. Blaming it on the format.
That said, I have reconciled the new format in my head and moved on so I could enjoy it anyway. BUT... let me say this AI producers: The sudden death format.... not so hot. In theory, sure it's great for the judges. As it translates to viewer satisfaction though - not so much. And it IS a t.v. show isn't it? Who came up with the big idea? Look, if you are the person who came up with this brilliant idea while walking your dog and picking up crap with your pooper scooper before work one day and pitched it at the morning concept meeting, email me. We need to chat. Really. Let's talk.
ANYWAY.... I'm making my own razz-ma-tazz in my head after a decidely less than hot audition period. And I do have some favorites already. Among them are as one reader commented Mario Vasquez and Scott Savol. Both of whom had HOT vocal performances both Tues. & Wed. show, and particularly in the dreaded group performance that I hate each year. That group thing is just a train wreck waiting to happen no matter how well you sing. Just craptastic each year. Sorry, I digress. Anyway, Mario and Scott at least sounded good. Very good. Their shortcomings: Mario might have a little too much RuPaul in him to go all the way and Scott... well he's been a bit out there for sure. They both need to get it together if they want to make it much further. I also like the music teacher with the dreadlocks, Anwar. Love his voice. He might be one of those coming in under the radar. Another one I loved from Tues. but didn't see Wed. in the group thing was David Brown. Very good looking, with braids, smooth silky voice. Love him.
Rashida Johnson battling an illness and sounding like a super hot diva despite her loss of voice is another one of my favorites. She just needs to figure out that big girls can be cute with a little longer skirt going on. Too much thigh going on girl. I'm scared that if you bend over your behind will be out - too short.
An entire male group performance I liked was Anwar, Jamar (one of the twins) and Mario. You already know I like Anwar and Mario. The twin can sing his butt off. But simmer down... you are not the lead singer of Journey. You are on American Idol. That's it. Take off those ridiculous gloves and just sing. Funny thing, he's actually good at singing well while doing the antics. The twin brother Lamar.... not so much. Twin #2 jumping around the stage just looked like a fool. He forgot to actually sing. One made it, one didn't. Go figure. Like I said before.... it's not called Twin Idols. Note to the twin that made it: Please spare me the antics next time and just sing. You were about one hop and a yell short of being accused of being a crack addict. I won't say it... yet.
Girls... let's see. An entire girl trio that I liked was the one with the crazy Gypsy Mama Rose parents directing their practice session. Gina's dad was there giving them life's lessons and dance moves and Janay's mama was there writing lyrics on chart paper. The third girl, Natalie, oddly enough didn't need her parents there to ruin her practice session - she did it all by herself with her I'm a choreographer we don't need to know the words right now, just dance psychosis that irritated the other girls. I, however, unlike the judges thought all three of them could sing when it came down to the actual performance. Poor choreographer wannabe Natalie got the short end of the stick though because she was singing with two voices that were soooo much hotter than hers that she almost bored you when it was her turn. She was a Debbie Gibson kinda hot voice while the other 2 were Motown hot voices. Wrong time, wrong place is what got her. Or maybe it was the bright yellow spaghetti strap top with layers of ruffles or whatever that thing was that got her cut. Speaking of outfits, Janay honey... wow. Tuesday's hot yellow jumpsuit... I don't even know what to say. And Wednesday... well I've never seen so much bling on a 17 year old. Maybe her mama bought some of Beyonce's old outfits auctioned on eBay. Complete with jewelry and shoes. BLING! Sold to the highest bidder! Stop trying to look so old honey. Keep in mind that's one of Simon's biggest pet peeves ya'll.
The group with the crazy girl Elizabeth who couldn't remember any words to save her life... well that was all the entertainment we needed. Note to crazy Elizabeth: Your statement to the judges "I'm really good though" should only be said once you've ACTUALLY sung something honey. SINGING involves words and you didn't use any. Stop spending so much time choosing bad outfits that show too much skin and start working on your singing. You are not Britney Spears yet.
The I'm sad these people were cut already category: Farm boy, oh how I loved hearing farm boy in his audition. Girl who sold her wedding ring to get there - she'll need therapy now and her hubby better be pretty understanding about the ring.
Here is my those to watch summary: Gina and Janay from the group performance were both very good. Janay Catine could turn out to be another irritatingly cute 17 year old with a hot voice though. I think she'll be around a while. The older crowd between 26 & 28 years old coming in this year is bringing us some great talent in Rashida Johnson, Mario Vasquez, Scott Savol and Anwar Robinson. Farm girl Carrie Underwood was still alive after Tuesday's show, but then we never saw her perform in the group portion Wednesday. Same goes for my boy David Brown. Hopefully they're still around.
The irritating the H#!! out of me already category: Mikalah Gordon has got to be the most irritating 16 year old I have seen in a long time. You know, the one who is glad she made it so she can finally get her mom those breast implants she's always wanted. What the...?!?! Mom, you both need to be slapped and brought back down to reality. That girl brings more makeup, attitude and inappropriate behavior to the stage than anyone we've seen since the show first aired. And she's 16. Once again... a 16 year old. Aisha the rapping Lil Romeo trapped in a girl's body hasn't been seen yet, so she gets a pass in this category for now. And while I was hoping she was among the first 100 cut the first day in Hollywood, I caught a shot of her in the clip from the upcoming show so somehow she may have made it through. We'll see.
And finally, I've said before that I'm over the judges fights... whatever. Note to AI producers: this does not help viewers (and future voters) feel like their getting a fair and good talent base to choose from when you keep showing the judges fighting over who gets in and who goes home. Once again AI producers... email me. Let's talk. Don't be shy.
I'm out. (and to those of you who laughed at me when I mentioned Debbie Gibson... big whoop. Debbie Gibson was very cool back in the day. So Natalie honey, don't give up your dream. There IS a market for your hot teen pop voice. )
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