Alright I take it back...

I've been thinking about it and I take back what I said about Diana's final black dress Wednesday night.

Relax. It's not what you're thinking. Nothing along the lines of a witness recanting testimony in a murder trial or anything.

You didn't think I was gonna get all kinds of Stepford nice on you did you?!?! Come on.

Now I am gonna take back what I said about it being a dress out of her mother's closet... afterall that would be equally as heinous a fashion choice for her mother as well. But not the part about it looking horrible on her and her needing some suck me in proper undergarments. What I started thinking about though is who that dress IS made for. And old isn't necessarily the criteria. So no, perhaps it isn't that it was too old for her. A little older yes, but mostly I'd only expect to see that dress on someone a little feisty, tall, leggy and bootyliscious. Say... Beyonce (or anyone from Destiny's Child for that matter)or I don't know... Tyra Banks, Angelina Jolie I can think of few others, but you get the point. Either that or a Miss America Pageant finalist.

ANYWAY... Don't go making bad fashion choices this summer ladies. That's the moral of the story here. Hhhmm... I didn't know I was telling a moral laden story, but apparently I am.

Alright I'm out. (how's that for writing about nothing!)

3 days later...

... and it's sinking in. IT'S OVER. And now nothing on t.v. can compare. Shonda and I sat on the phone for the last two nights flipping through the channels, searching our TiVo wishlists trying to find something even remotely good to watch. Nothing. I mean absolutely nothing for next few weeks.

Well...

...there is the insanity over on the WB. WB Superstar USA. If you haven't seen any of this yet, catch the reruns starting this weekend. It's Freaky Friday American Idol - kinda like you're watching a skit on Saturday Night Live produced by a whole team of people sitting around high off their butts on crack. And this is no exaggeration. You just watch it with your mouth hanging open and with each contestant worse than the previous one all you can manage to get out is "Wha..?!?!" A very short lived show - it's only about 4 episodes total and therefore will all be over this coming week already. So if you wanna get in on the freak show tune it in this weekend. Wow. I don't know what else to say. This show is just wrong.

ANYWAY... what I was gonna say was now that I've replayed Wednesday night's show 25 times I am convinced that this IS the best group of finalists to date. That show - yes, even the freaky group number was GOOD. And I don't mean o.k. cause the entertainment factor was good enough to keep my watching. I mean somebody tell a friend it's on - don't want to miss the next song - G-O-O-D singing. Barring Tamyra, everyone (ya'll know I'm gonna talk about Tamyra) came to sing their butts off Wednesday! Sure, I've read some other opinions out there that this was a terrible show with horrible hokey group numbers, blah, blah, blah. Don't care. Loved it and I'll say it to anyone. LOVED IT. Don't come 'round my neighborhood talking smack about my show. You better take that mess on out of here. You'll get the beat down.

Don't make me open up a can of whoop A$% this lovely 3 day, relaxing, Memorial Day weekend! I will if I have to though. (breathe, breathe, breathe, gotta go do some yoga. Be right back)

I'm back. So I can't wait, let's just go there. Tamyra. Tamyra honey, sweetie child. What was that?!?! What were you wearing? What were you singing? What did you write for these poor girls to sing? I am no Tamyra hater. You know that. But this was sooooo not her shining moment. She's so skinny right now that she looked a little Mother Teresa in that style of dress. And why that anyway? I mean something short and sassy (with sleeves), but still national anthem worthy would have sufficed. Oh well. I cannot be the stylist to every young starlet out there. Choices people. It's all about choices. And dare I say she did not sound very good either. A little out there at the end in particular. HHhmmm... I was not impressed. You're not doing much to sell that new release girl. You better get it together.

Alright now that we got that out of the way, how great was The Impossible Dream?!?! HELLO!?! Quartet made in diva singing heaven ya'll. Those 4 voices together were great on that number and each shone in their own way. But can we just stop a moment and say RUBEN I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!! Sigh... I got that off my chest. His voice is sooooo silky smooth I thought I'd pass out and hit my head on the coffee table again the minute he opened his mouth. I still have a mark on my head from last season's pass out hit your head on the coffee table throw your panties on the stage Ruben moment. LOVE this boy's voice. Alright. I'm o.k. But this was a fabulous arrangement and were it not for Diana's nerves causing her to sing the wrong words(o.k. just one)it would have been a perfect recordable moment. As our number one fan G- said, I'd pay to hear them together too. I'd buy that single in a moment. Are you listening AI producers and 19 records?!?!? DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!

I'm o.k. Ruben can do that to a girl though.

So we also had the 2 finalist diva's belting their hearts out. Diana got herself together and brought her A voice for the night and she sang that weak#$$ Tamyra song like she was singing for the Pope. She gave it everything she had. Go on with your bad self. And towards the end, Miss Tasia gave up the ghost with another song Dreams. An incredibly good song for her that I sure hope is paired with the TG single. The place was roaring each time for their favorite performer, both girls getting equal props and all was good.

I said ALL was good - including the group number and the duet between the girls. Yep I said it. I loved it. Let's all rewind to last year's crappy Gap fest that could have been named Barbie's Against Humanity. Just sickening to watch oh ye of little talent dance around the stage in belly shirts, halters and too tight pants that just screamed yes we signed a contract with Gap and who cares if we can't sing. It was horrible. It was poorly produced, poorly arranged and poorly choreographed and they were poorly dressed. Now this year they realized something. We don't really care. We don't. So just give us some closer to normal outfits, less hokey dancing and good music. The tribute to the judges was a great choice. Come on, I saw those boys doing some really freaky no rhythm moves out there. Let's not mistake it for something it wasn't - It was most definitely show choir on the big stage. You know, like Sister Act II or The Fighting Temptations - the choir going to the competition type of performance. But it's all good. This part of the show produced some of the most memorable if not entertaining moments of the show:

Jenny from the Block's incredibly stank ya'll know I shoulda been up here as a finalist solo attitude moment. Come on Jenny girl. Let it go. You are not scoring points with anyone out there with that sore loser attitude. And you do want people to buy your CD don't you? We know you're good, just sing. But you sure looked good up there. Lovely well fitting white pantsuit. Great hair and makeup. Some of you don't know how hard it is to look good in a white pantsuit when you're not a size 8. Props to the stylists on this one.

Sinatra boy's dancing abilities were highlighted in the most horrifying yet hilarious way ever. I was so bad that I just fell over laughing. Even Simon and Paula were laughing. It's just wrong people. That should never be seen again. And it will probably be the one thing that keeps me from going to the AI3 concert when it comes to my city this summer. I can't bear to pay money to see Opie or JPL sing or dance. Just incredible. Opie could be a candidate for that other show on the WB right now... hhhmmm.... and can we just not talk about Mr. Over Performer - Football Boy. Not gonna talk about it just laughing some more.

I was happy for Camille. She had a good showing and sounded nice again. Back to the way she sounded in the audition. The voice and style that got her to the finals in the first place. And my girl Leah... still love her too. She just couldn't hold up under the pressure week after week. But maybe this group thing on tour will be an all around better gig for her.

Do I even have to talk about George and Latoya? Huh? Didn't think so. Loved it!

Alright so now we are down to talking about the duet moment - which if you'll remember was also horrible last year. Clay and Ruben dancing and singing together did not sit well with anyone. Scary. But these two girls busted out some good belting, some good harmony and some good soul. No bad choreography, just singing. Loved this. I'd buy this too. HOWEVER... someone please explain Diana choosing a dress out of her mother's closet? Too old lady for her and sorry girl someone should have told her about that belly roll. Not good. Girls lets be nicer to one another and keep our friends from making such fashion mistakes on national t.v. I mean just picture this: Tasia could have turned to her dear friend and said "Girl don't wear that old mama dress. And if you do, please go get some Spanx to wear underneath to control all that mess going on in the tummy area." And Diana could have turned to her girl Tasia and said "You know I love your style girl, but all that cheap ghetto jewelry just ain't cutting it tonight." And all would have been good. Well... maybe a fight would have broken out in the house... fists flying kind of fight... o.k. that's not a good idea. Nevermind. But Diana chose a bad dress and Tasia's jewelry was so cheap at one point a necklace broke off her neck in the middle of the song. But... it was still a good duet. I won't let it be marred by poor fashion choices in this case.

This was a good 2 evenings. Good entertainment... insane 2 day hype, red carpet arrivals(Can I just stop to say how FABULOUS Christina C. looked interviewing on the red carpet!?! Loved the hair and dress!) and an outdoor live concert before the show?!?! Crazy! I mean, it's American Idol people. This shows gotten bigger than... well... I don't know, but it managed to swallow up any show that took on the same time slot the entire season from start to finish. And now that it's finished...

...well we'll keep at ya the next 6 months til it's back. There will always be something to complain about, dis or fall out over. One reader emailed to say: Write about nothing. Well isn't that what we've been doing this whole time? Just kidding. But it is reality t.v. ya'll. And on Fox at that. That's 'nothing' at it best. Nobody produces better nothing than the AI producers.

That's about it. Wrapping it all up...

I'm out.

What's next?

Some of you have been writing to ask what we'll be doing during the AI off-season.

Well...

First we'll write a lot with all the post-AI news and gossip. Then you'll read a few mournful posts about the boredom of a post-AI existence. Then you'll get silence -- that is, unless one of the AI alums is arrested or has a breakdown or shows up on Oprah. Then we'll blog for all its worth. Oh, and you'll hear from us as we review the Christmas special or the Halloween special or the Grandparents Day special or whatever special Fox forces us to sit through just so we can hear our people sing. Plus, we'll blog a review anytime one of the AIs releases an album. Or a tell-all book.

To put it simply, we'll be keeping you up to date on all the AI news.

So, when the patina of the joy of Tasia has worn thin and Idols are touring, we won't be blogging every day. But check back with us from time to time to see what's up in the AI world.

We'll be here.

Oh, and to those of you who have asked if we really ARE just two sleep-deprived moms and sisters, the answer is: abso-freakin'-lutely.

TASIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First up...

A shout out to my sister Sandie who watched the show live on the East Coast with me on the phone and managed not to give away the winner. How was that possible? The minute I saw Tasia sing the first note of her victory song, I burst into tears.

Loud noisy tears.

It was embarrassing but I ain't ashamed.

I was in my den sitting on my sofa with the Kodak Theatre (where the show took place) literally 2 minutes from my house. And I couldn't see it live. Which made me crazed. I was pacing, waiting for the show to come on. And when it finally did...

I sat through 2 solid hours of Fox Abuse waiting to hear who won. Fox has to drag things out for the ratings. Cruelly forcing us to wait. They managed to fill the time pretty well. Yeah, I got to see the amazing performance of Kelly, Ruben, Diana and Tasia singing together. Yeah, I got to watch that red-headed menace trying to dance in the group number. Yeah, I got to gape at Kelly's sequin bra and wonder once again why her stylist doesn't make her cover up that fleshy stomach. Yeah, I got to watch Jenny FTB's stoic, bitter face and know how much she thought that the person on that stage should be HER.

So what?

I was sure right up until the end that Diana was gonna steal my girl's glory. I was sure that America got it wrong. I was sure that there would be NOTHING to sing about. I had resigned myself to hearing Disney D's version of "I Believe" on the radio over and over and over until I either burst an aneurysm or lost my mind. I almost turned off the TV.

And then Ryan said Tasia's name.

RYAN SAID TASIA'S NAME!

RYAN! SAID! TASIA'S! NAME!

Y'all, I freaked.

I danced.

I bo-freakin'-bo'ed.

TASIA WON!!!

And what was so great was how overcome and appreciative Fantasia was. She cried. Then she sang. Then I cried. Then she cried some more. Then I cried some more. Then she sang her BEHIND OFF some more. Then I sang and the dogs started to howl so I had to stop. Because no matter how much I wanna be, I ain't Fantasia.

Another shout out to Disney D who proved herself to be a gracious, elegant, sweet (if a bit unhappy) loser. She called Tasia "her girl" and stated that she knew her fans would treat Tasia well. I was impressed. I actually liked Disney D more than I ever did before. Mainly because she'd already lost and there was no chance she could upset my girl.

I've said it before: American Idol is nothing more than a better, smarter, brighter version of The Miss America Pageant. In the end, someone wears the crown, the confetti falls and we all cry. What's the big deal?

The big deal is it was good.

It was great TV.

It was almost mythic.

It was poor teen single mom overcomes all obstacles to make it to the top of a heap that was 70,000 strong. It was the little girl from North Carolina taking over the world. It was FANTASTIC.

I've watched the end at least six times now and every single time I am struck with one absolute truth: that girl is a HUGE STAR. You wanna watch her. You can't help but watch her. You can't help but watch and want to dance.

America got it right. My faith in humanity is restored.

Large lips. Weave-bangs. The Bo-Bo. Ghetto Earrings.

All is right with the world.

Tonight ...

...will be all about glitz, glamour, entertainment and all that comes with a finale. This is the night we'll see the red carpet arrival - which by the way I said last year's finale show was just as big as the red carpet shows themselves. So someone's listening out there - someone.

So we'll hear the has beens, the last year's trick and ponies, see Diana and Fantasia belt some more and all will be good when the confetti sprays at the end. We don't care who wins this year because we all know that even in Diana wins Miss Tasia is on a big road to stardom anyway. You go girl. I'm sick of all the hatin' going on surrounding this girl. Can we still not find strong, self-confident women worthy of our love?!? I mean no one likes a diva..... yeah whatever. I do.

Roll out the carpet, put on your hooker heels, slather on the glitter shadow, hook on your Claire's Boutique jewelry, wrap your weave bangs slick and tight and get your groove on tonight ya'll!

HHmmm... wonder if Paula found something decent to wear?

I'm out!

The Big Show...

...wasn't so big.

Anyone who watched last night's show (and who didn't?) came away with one thought: Fantasia blew Disney D out of the water.

BLEW.

HER.

AWAY.

It wasn't so much a competition as it was a coronation. Queen Tasia. What that girl did last night with those three songs was astounding. She even managed to make Tamyra Gray (she of little chorus writing and very few rhymes -- I like a chorus and a rhyme, people!) seem like a good songwriter. Disney D was...eh. Which of course means that Disney D will win tonight.

You heard me. I'm calling it early. Disney D by a mile.

Why?

Because America -- dumb as we are -- can't help but vote for the underdog. Especially when that underdog is puppy-cute, cuddly and bouncy like a bunny. And in spite of the fact that the cute cuddly puppy had her be-hind WHUPPED by a lanky, bo-bo-dancing, large-lipped, sweet, country teen single mama. Or maybe BECAUSE of that fact.

Why can't America get behind Tasia? Why can't they show her the love?

Here's my thing: people have suggested that Tasia can be no Idol what with her two year old and her arrogance. But Tasia is actually the FACE of America today. Not so pretty, not so cuddly, not so apple-pie and Easter bunny. She's real. Teenagers have kids. Talented people are arrogant. And she doesn't put on an act. She's not fake-sweet or cloying. She's exactly who she says she is. Shouldn't that be something to Idol-ize? An actual flawed person keeping it real?

Glass houses, people. Glass houses and stones. That's all I'm saying to you if you are a hater.

But Disney D is ahead in the polls.

People want their reality with a little sugar on top. A little Vaseline on the lens of life to keep pretending that we're something we're not. It's Doris Freakin' Day all over again around here.

Boy, I'm gettin' philosophical.

But I'm not worried. Because I would have to be smoking the crack pipe myself to actually believe that losing the Idol title will hurt Tasia in any way. You KNOW Simon's gonna snap her up with a record deal. You know that, if he doesn't, someone else will. You know that you'll be hearing her voice long after Disney D's has faded away.

The girl has TALENT.

The girl has STYLE.

The girl has WEAVE-BANGS.

And you know you can't argue with no weave-bangs...

This is Shonda, reporting with anticipation from my sofa.

Polls...

A few polls I've seen online tonight have 51% of people choosing Diana and 49% of the people choosing Tasia!

So it's on!

It's gonna be a close one!

Well it all comes down to...

....powervoting on the last night. Yep, that's it. How many times can the teeny boppers throwing their big AI3 finals party press redial on their cell phones before curfew hits and they have to go home to their own houses and go to bed. ....sigh....

That's just the way it is.

So, let's break it all down for you. Here are some interesting tidbits I've heard from my sources in the last few days:

*Did you know that you will have a 4 hour voting window tonight and each contestant will have 2, yes TWO phone numbers? In order to maximize powervoting and eliminate the complaints of flooded lines and busy signals, FOX decided to double the pleasure.

*Did you know that Fantasia was late for her rehearsal/recording session because she was caught up in a police chase? She was an innocent bystander not involved in the chase... so that's no fun to tell huh?!? No scandal here.

*Did you know that Diana Degarmo is no stranger to the music biz? Eddie DeGarmo is an executive at EMI records and a long time performer and former christian singing group member. I'm sure she HAS been singing since she was 5!

*And did you know Fantasia isn't either? Her cousins are Cedric Hailey (K-Ci) and Joel Hailey (Jo-Jo) - yes JODECI! Hello?!?

Alright... I'm getting excited and it's just about time for freak show central to begin on the east coast so I'd better go get some popcorn a good fruity drink and get on the couch in front of my TiVo! I can't wait to get in some good rewind moments tonight!

This had better be good. I mean we thought Clay and Ruben's supercharged choir filled final was good... well this had better be that good! I know we'll have to listen to Kelly Clarkson sing once again and I'll live through it. And we'll get to see Ru as well which is always good. The former contestants will serve as the hometown correspondants this year instead of the pitiful whackos like last year - so that'll be better I hope. Alright.... come everyone vote!

I'm out.

History?

So basically Fox has simply given up even pretending to have other shows. Because they are programming American Idol like, six nights a week.

It's crazy. Last Thursday, they replayed the early audition episodes of Season 3 and, like the sheep I am, I just sat there and watched. Yeah, relive the glory, relive the joy, whatever...WHY DID I WATCH? I can't help it. American Idol is cocaine, heroin, smack, horse, crazy JuJu and we are all shivering twitching junkies. Or is it just me? Nah, you're jonesing for a fix too.

Anyway, last night the Idol channel ("All Idol, All the Time!") aired a show called American Idol: The Phenomenon. Which sounds really cool but was actually just one more way for Fox to hijack our brains for ratings. They took three seasons of Idol and smooshed it down into one 42 minute plus commercials retrospective. I think Ryan called it "an exploration of Idol history."

Huh?

Idol history?

IDOL IS THREE FREAKIN' YEARS OLD!

It doesn't have history. If AI were human, it'd be a toddler. It's a baby. Trust me, babies don't have history. Babies don't have ten minutes ago. AI is metaphorically picking its nose and watching the Wiggles. There's no room for a retrospective. You know what has history? American Bandstand. Dance Fever. SOUL TRAIN. Or as I like to call it: "SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWL TRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!" That's history. AI better get some more years under its belt if it wants to have what it calls a history. Simon Cowell has to get that Dick-Clark-preserved-in-a-jar-hair-dyed-old-man look. Paula has to have her face stretched so tight you can bounce quarters off it. Randy has to gain and lose the weight again. That's history. History happens after one of the Idols crashes, burns, goes to rehab, writes a tell-all book and cries with Oprah. That's history.

This?

This is just the opening act.