Am I dancing now?

Yep. You know why. No, not because it was only a half hour show with no time for those crackhead group numbers (this IS good though).

You did the right thing America. I mean don't get me wrong. You know I've said from the beginning that Rose Bowl Boy has an incredible voice - that opera celebration he did at the 1st auditions was all that and more. But each show he seemed to be proving only one thing: Pop and Opera - not similiar, not close and one is achievable and one not. You can stick with your dreams to be a singer boy. Don't give up. But this wasn't the forum for you. Be gone.

O.k. so unlike last year it's actually difficult to wish some of these people were gone. Unlike last year, they can sing. These guys can all sing. That's not the problem. Their voices are not all made for this music and performance style - and that is a problem. Opie has the Clay factor going on - the same thing I kept saying last year - his voice is good, but the style is not right for this type of music. Opie's problem is magnified 10 fold though over Clay's. Clay came around - he was able to conform in the end. But Opie with that Rat Pack voice ... come on. This boy sounds as if he stepped right out a time warp.

I bet you think I'm gonna flip out about my girl Diana being in the bottom 3. I'm not. Like I said the other day, that country show was just a toss up. Anybody's game. You could have been easily confused by those freaky performances. I know. Plus, I knew she was safe anyway. I mean people can't be that delusional. Well... I don't know, but I wasn't worried. No doubting the fact that I thought Opie or Sleepy should have been there instead (sounds like a few of the 7 Dwarfs doesn't it?). But it couldn't be a trifecta, triple bonus smack down night with all 3 of those boys in the bottom three. I'm not that lucky. I'm satisfied. That's all. I'm happy with the end result. In about 2 weeks it's gonna be difficult to choose someone to get rid of. Really difficult. They'll all be so good we won't know who to stick with. I have 4 choices right now myself. It's hard to split my dialing time up between them all!

Double Bonus... maybe this is a sign that Jenny from the Block is picking up some fans! Not in the bottom 3???... did the straight hair push some of those on the fence fans over to her side of the yard? Hhmm... we may never know.

I'm out.

Alright...

I've already said my piece about the creepy theme they like to throw in there called country. But here we go. Let me tell you a few things about the show because there are ONLY a few.

Who was good: Amy was DEFINITELY hands down in her element and it is now clear what she should do. Color that hair, put on some let spunky clothes and head for Nashville. Girl your voice is custom made for country music. The judges were even shocked at how good she sounded singing a Dixie Chicks tune.

George Ricky Huff - you go boy! He could have probably picked a really country tune, I mean as country as you get and gotten away with it because of his already southern background and fabulous voice. But he was smart and chose a crossover song - I Can Love You Like That. Once again he sang his butt off.

Fantasia - I'm sorry, but this was an amazing performance. She showed some versatility and slowed it down with Always on My Mind. I mean who'd have thought Tasia could bust out some Willie Nelson?!?! Not me. But it was incredible. She is without a doubt the best singer in this competition. But I was hoping she would keep her mouth shut when Simon started in on her black sequined gown. I was hoping... but I knew otherwise. I knew. So, will the public hold it against her? I don't know. I don't think her career will be hurt by getting voted off AI though I'll tell you that. That phone will be ringing off the hook with offers. She tried to infuse some humor into it at the end when she was sitting with Ryan to smooth it out a bit. And for me, it was forgotten by the time I was dialing the phone at the end.

Diana - sorry Shonda but this girl did sing her butt off too. She was good - again. The versatility was no suprise to me either. Very strong performance, but she was up 1st. The 1st performer is always in danger of being forgotten by the time people vote - they're still hearing those last 3 or 4 in their heads. I think she has a voice that could win this competition. There I said it. Don't get me wrong now. Unless Fantasia punches Simon out and Latoya has to sing with a traecheotomy my girl Diana ain't gonna win this thing. I'm just saying she has a voice that could. Relax.

The mediocre crew: Jenny from the Block, Latoya and Camile. They were good, but just good... It just didn't make me say wow or anything Dawg - as Randy keeps saying.

Those that made me think about being deaf again: Rose Bowl Boy - His game has been called on account of horrifically poor pitch problems on that song. WAIT this is the same song chosen by Marine Boy one week and he TANKED big time on it too. (HHmmm... he just happened to be there too for some reason) Every week he seems to remind me more of Marine Boy. Simon used the word nauseating.

Opie - King of the Road?!?! King of the Road?!? This boy has definitely been hanging with the Grandparents too much. Boy you better get some mack and roll with your own age group soon or you're doomed. He's got a voice, yes, but he is without a doubt the worst performer I've ever seen on this show and yet he'll continue to get the votes from somewhere. Why oh why must we suffer?!?!

Sleepy Church Boy - I'll say it once again - his bio piece - the life of a serial killer in the making. Creepy. So he tried to sing She Believes in Me. And I found myself yelling "WHO JOHN? WHO BELIEVES!?!" Out of tune - just more than I could tolerate. Simon said he was puzzled at why people are voting for him after listening to that, but then he realized that Sleepy looked like John Boy from the Waltons. HUH!?! America if you are voting for John Boy this is insane.

Jasmine - after a bio piece in which her and her brother spent the whole time arguing over who bit who more (HUH!?!) I suffered through another tuneless mishap. That little soul voice trying to sing some Faith Hill... didn't work for me.

Alright - the biggest part of the show last night was Jenny from the Block's straight hair. No more big puffy jheri curl looking hair style. It was weird seeing her look so ... so.... so regular and all. Good look in the long leather jacket and jeans unsemble she was sporting to round it all out.

Well that's all I can say. Just scared of the group numbers I know are coming tonight. Really, frightened that we'll be forced to see those boys dance again. Yikes. So I really have NO clue as to who will get voted in the bottom three this week. It's anybody's game with those performances. I think it may be Jenny from the Block, Camile and Opie??? I don't know. Hard to say.

I'm out.

A Little Bit Country...

I don't have too much to say about tonight's show.

Except that I hate country.

That said, Sleepy Church Boy and Camile both sang Kenny Rogers so I was kept awake. Like I said, give us some Kenny and it's all good.

THAT said, the only decent performances tonight for my money were Fantasia, Camile, Georgie and (shocker!) Pink Lady whose vocals I found to be AMAZING.

Now, I know people got atwitter about Disney Girl and LaToya but for me they were just...ech. Not bad. Not blech like Rosebowl Boy (HATED HIM) or Sinatra Boy (I did not know Dean Martin sang country). Jenny From the Block was good but she's missing a certain sparkle. Probably sapped out of her by last week's hideous bottom 2 finish. Jasmine was freakishly out of tune considering how well she sang last week. But again for me, my absolute favorite performances went to Fantasia, Camile, Georgie and Pink Lady. I don't care what the judges said. What SIMON said. Camile's Desperado was hot, hot, hot. Pink Lady made me rethink my hatred of country (for five seconds -- I'm not on crack, y'all). Georgie was deep. And Fantasia is a frickin' musical STAR. STA-AR. Two syllables.

But when I was calling in to vote, Fantasia's line was WIDE OPEN. She put down a studied elegant performance that made me think she's got serious potential. And no one is voting for her. Why? She broke two cardinal AI rules. Number one, she talked back to Simon. Everyone knows that you get voted off if you backtalk Simon. 2) She's overconfident. America hates anyone who knows how good they are. You're HATERS, America! Give my girl a chance.

Alright. That's all I'm saying for tonight. More tomorrow.

Except one little thing.

A note to whomever is out there creating those faux video sequences we are forced to endure on AI:

KNOCK IT OFF!

No one wants to see line dancing skits. No one wants to see Old Navy fashion shows. Cheap clothes and bad dancing do not a good show make. Need to fill time? MAKEOVERS. America loves makeovers. Instead of just revealing Jenny From the Block's new 'do, SHOW US HER GETTING THE WEAVE PUT ON. Weave-putting-on...now THAT'S TV at its finest. I want to see more weave-putting-on sequences. They do them over on America's Next Top Model. Just a tip, faux video guy. Just a free tip from me to you. The next one will cost you.

This is Shonda, reporting live from my honky tonk.

yee-haw!

I hear tonight is K-Lo, Country, Makeover night.

Snaps for K-Lo who I hear is svelte and singing and fabulous.

Thank God for the Makeover as I'm dying to see if Steven Cojorcaru can do anything to make Sinatra Boy look slightly less...Alien Meets Opie.

As for the Country...

...before my sister busts her own eardrums, may I make a suggestion? Actually, three suggestions?

Kenny Rogers, Patsy Cline and Dolly Parton.

That's all I'm saying.

The Music Trifecta for below the Mason Dixon.

You need country? They got the goods.

You need GOOD country you can dance to that also doesn't give you the willies and make you inadvertantly call up scary flashback images of Deliverance? Kenny, Patsy and Dolly are here to please.

Picture it:

Sleepy Church Boy breaking down "The Gambler"...

...LaToya crooning "I Fall to Pieces"...

and my girl Fantasia making it ALL good with a little ditty we all love called "9 to 5".

Yee-haw! Now, that would be some good country. Wouldn't it?

See, now I've got myself all excited. I need to hold it together. Because I'm just gonna get my feelings hurt by Clint Black.

Don't look now...

But I think we are about to be tortured this week. I hear that the theme is Country. Country. Didn't we invoke a world wide ban on the theme Country? I seem to remember that.... Well.... We all thought it last year anyway. Please just strike me from the list of the hearing population for the next 3 days. That would give me one day to mourn in silence, Tuesday to watch the show with no sound and of course Wednesday to miss the oh too long results show where ultimately they'll play back clips and force the 2 blurry eyed losers on the chopping block to revisit the country hell we would have all been in the night before. Alright, please join me in praying that this theme is NOT really happening. I could have gotten some misinformation from a bad source. HHhmmm... a girl can hope anyway.

So, let's talk about something more uplifting than the ever so crappy country theme. (I thought this was about a POP star anyway) Guess what else we will be enjoying this week on AI3? The 1st guest.... well apparently not really a guest judge, but guest something anyway. AI is moving in a new direction with their guests this season. The superstar style maven Steven Cojocaru will give the contestants fashion makeovers. And I can only assume that this will take up a small portion of our viewing time Tuesday. O.K. who's up for a new weave? A new lesson on what not to wear? ME! Pick Me! Oh I'm sorry I got a little overexcited there for a moment. Well, I'll have to settle for long hair on Fantasia or belly shirts on Jasmine or maybe bright silky shirts on George. Wow. I can almost see it in my mind...

Alright so let's move on to Wednesday's results extravaganza. By the way, who was in pain watching those boys dance and sing in the group numbers last week? Once again : ME! Pick me! Hey, I have a sure fire plan to avoid seeing anything so heinous in the upcoming weeks..... Quickly vote off all those deadweight boys except George. Hee hee! Alright. Whatever. Don't all write me about your love for Sleepy Church Boy or Rose Bowl Bather. Lighten up.

So ANYWAY.... what I was going to say about Wednesday's show is that my girl K-Lo will be performing her new single!!!! Now that's what I'm talking about. Those of you who haven't managed to hear it yet here is your chance to see it performed by the girl herself. Can't wait to see what she's wearing and all. That's important you know.

Well just checking in with my weekend news and update.

I'm out.