heeheeheeHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

I have three words for you...

SLEEPY.

CHURCH.

BOY.

(insert dance of joy here)

WHOO-HOO!!!

Yeah, yeah, he does sound a little like Tom Jones. And yeah, whatever he did last night was kinda weird. But I loved it. Yep. Loved it. Watched it about 30 times with the help of my Tivo. Y'all may think I'm crazy but apparently, I'm not.

Apparently, America AGREES with ME.

So, there.

Not that I'm bragging. Or gloating. Or...

...aw, hell...

...I'm both bragging AND gloating. I can't hold it in any longer:

IN YOUR FACE, Sleepy Haters!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's all about the Sleepy.


(here we shall enjoy a small moment of silence to allow me some time to pull myself together and return to the sane side of the street...)


Okay. Sorry about that.

I did not post last night due to the fact that I was, sadly, working and thus did not get to enjoy my Wild Card night until very early this morning. Thus, I both begin and end my day with a good healthy dose of AI3.

Last night was kinda crazy as we watched four contestants heaped with humiliation by Paula, Simon and Randy as they were informed on live national TV that they were not considered good enough to perform for America. How mean was that? They dragged them before the cameras only to force them to feel the mock and scorn of the nation. Oh, it was evil.

But fun.

I was spared the song stylings of Tiny Dancer and Yodeler. That in itself was a gift from the gods. I was spared the odd circa 1975 circa Farrah Fawcett-on-crack hair stylings of Tiara. An extra special gift. And I was spared the gooey fleshy center of Lisa/Lolita. Which wasn't such a gift as I think dissing Lolita and choosing Ohio Boy was robbing Peter to pay...well, not Paul. Hmmm. Just insert some whatever metaphor that for you means HORRIBLE STUPID PRETTY PEOPLE WHO CAN NOT SING. Poor Lolita. Grrrrrrl, I told you to keep that belly to yourself.

Then we watched the lucky 8 sing. Not so lucky for most as they mainly howled and screeched like kitty cats dipped in boiling oil. But there was Sleepy -- who I won't even talk about any more here lest I lose my mind again with love and joy. And there was Leah -- who I still can't stand although if I listen to her with my eyes closed I don't hate as much since I don't have to look into her smug, too-sexy-for-this-world, so in love with herself, trying to be an R&B diva FACE. And there was George -- who seriously worked his THANG up there with his performance, forcing me to change my opinion of him and root for him to make it all the way.

And then there was Jenny From the Block -- who is now at the top of on my National Fashion Security Watch List with a Visual Threat Rating of Bravo Red and a Stylist Alert of DefCon One. Think last night's fashion disaster was an isolated incident? No, no, NOOOOO. Don't blame that George guy. BLAME JENNY. Let's recap shall we? There was 1) the cheap man made fiber dress she wore to audtion, 2) the silver one piece Space Man jumpsuit she wore to Hollywood, 3) the white leather nurse outfit she wore to Round One and 4) the Carmen Miranda polyester hot pink sausage atrocity she sported last night. All of which she wore proudly under a mane of hair she clearly stole off her Raggedy Ann doll. Federal Troopers should be storming her closet any minute now if we are lucky. If there is any justice in the world someone will stop her before she shops again.

It's a good thing that Jenny From the Block can sing and is so very sweet or else she never would have made it into the Final 12. Or perhaps its simply a good thing that Randy knows what it is like to be a bad dresser (remember the photos we saw last season of him in his younger days?). I knew that Paula would pick Leah. Sadly, we will now have to suffer the insufferable tot for the rest of the season -- eliminate her quickly, y'all. I was SHOCKED that Simon picked Georgie. Thrilled but shocked. It is so not Simon's style. However, last year, Simon picked Goat Girl so perhaps he is trying to make up for the plague he unleashed upon us all by picking someone America likes. And then there was America's pick...

Okay, okay. I'm shutting up about Sleepy already. Geez.

The finalists were announced and then they sang. But before that, Ruben came out to do a tune from his album and give a bit of advice to the hopefuls. Three things about this: 1) Ruben has gained a noticeable amount of weight. I am now officially worried about my first love. Velvet or not, the Teddy Bear has to drop at least a buck fifty if he's gonna live to see 30. 2) It's odd having last year's Idol come back. As with Kelly, Ruben seems wildly out of place and somehow dated in the AI mix now. He feels very old school, very last year. You adore him but you kinda want him off the stage so you can see what's gonna happen NEXT. 3) Rickey made a quick appearance having become an official member of what I like to call the 205 Posse. It's nice that Rickey and Ruben are close friends. Maybe too close. Did anyone else notice that Rickey's gained an extra 30 or 40 pounds since last season? The buddies who eat together...well, you can see what happens.

From the Desk of Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmm: Did anyone else notice that Wild Card Contenders Tiny Dancer, Jenny from the Block, Bubbly Katie and Ohio Boy were all refugees from Group One? Which means that this year Finalists Jenny From the Block, Fantasia and Fluffy Puppy are all from this year's Group One? Three of the best singers. Do you remember who was in Group One last year? Ruben, K-Lo AND Clay. Is this the stuff of grassy knolls and second shooters? Or simply mysterious voodoo magic? Hee.

As the 12 Finalists grooved the tunes of Sleepy and the credits rolled, did anyone else spot Simon with his head in his hands, depressed? Poor thing. I think he was NOT joking when he told Ruben that he would pay him to return to the competition.

I took a good look at the Final 12. And I will be shocked, SHOCKED, if Fantasia doesn't walk away with the whole thing. But it will still be fun to see exactly how it all goes down.

Next week, the REAL COMPETITION BEGINS!!!!

This is Shonda, reporting live from my chaise longue.

Gone Wild? More like Gone Bad!

Let's just get right to it ya'll. The single most insane moments in AI history are now on the books. Our girl Lisa came out first up to be told live whether she would sing or not sing in the wild card round. We had just watched the footage of the contestants in rehearsals, including one in which Randy talks about her being potentially the BEST singer in this competition. She comes out and he again says that she is potentially the best singer in this competition.... and then he says BUT YOU WON'T BE SINGING TONIGHT.

HUH?!?!

I'm sorry. I missed something. Did you?

Oh wait. THEN the very next person out is none other than incredibly talentless (but cute blonde) Ohio Boy. They say he's pitchy, they're a little concerned about his numbers BUT WE DECIDED TO GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHANCE.

HUH?!?!

Lisa you should have knocked the teeth out of that boy's mouth when you passed him. Knocked him out cold right there. It would have been the BEST moment in AI history right there. Alright. So you know what cleared it all up for me this time around? Simon's statement about one of the girls after she sang later in the show. Simon admitted what we've known about the blonde haired, blue eyed, cute thing they try to slip in to this competition all the while trying to claim this is about a singing star - He said the very reason she was there was because she's good looking with an o.k. voice. She'll get the votes, he said. Kill me now and get it over with because if these 2 belong in this round over my girl Lisa I've lost all sense of reality anyway. HELLO?!? The most ridiculous crap I've heard in this competition and Lisa I'm mad for ya girl even if you're not. (I KNOW you are though, I know you are.)

Anyway.... so to the show. Shonda, I thought you told me a couple weeks ago that all that belly baring, hip hugger crap was out of style? Apparently 2 of these girls did not get the memo. Good Lawd was the fashion bad last night.

Sleepy Church Boy - well Shonda. I don't know bout your boy now. He was.... uhhmmm.... interesting. I don't what else to say about that Tom Jones act he put on. Interesting.

Liz - Once again poor fashion choice. What was that strange diagonal shimmery thing hanging off her hips. And who cares what she sang cause it wasn't all that good either.

Katie - Freakin' crappy if you want the truth. Painful to use one of Simon's favorite words. Simon's admission that she's the eye candy vote getter irritates me to no end. Girl let's talk about that turquoise blue shimmer skirt half way down your butt crack...... AAHHHHHH!!!!! Unless you are one of Tina Turner's or Beyonce's back up dancers you have NO business in a skirt like - ever.

George - LOVE HIM! Don't care what you say. Lean on Me has always been one of my favorite songs and he did a great little arrangement. I think one of the judges will put him through if the people don't.

Sassy Suzy - Sang another of one of my all time favs. Gloria Gaynor's I will Survive. It was just o.k. A little pitchy Randy said and I agree. She doesn't do it for me. Hair or no hair.

Ohio Boy - will not be discussed any further. I feel the same as I did with Goat Girl last season. Not worth my time.

Leah - bring it on girl! I like her too and she sounded great. Looked good and sounded good. I think she'll get put through by Paula.

Jenny from the Block - Good LAWD your friend made that outfit???!!! I don't even know what to say girl. You KNOW that did not look good on you. Terrible fit, loud color and it made her already ample rearend look like a movie screen. Not a good look for anyone. Once I stopped laughing I just kept asking "WHY??!!" Oh Jennifer, tell your friend not to quit his day job. Like the judges, I loved her performance though. But that goes without saying. I'm still worried though that she has that something that unconsciously turns people away. I really would like to see her get the votes and I think she got the best singing spot for it (last). The last person often sticks in voters minds. I really hope she does well. If not, I actually think either Randy or Simon may put her through.

O.K. so here's my preshow prediction: Leah, George, Suzy and Jennifer will go through. O.k. that's what I hope. I actually think Ohio Boy and Katie might sneak in which will make me have another famous breakdown. It's early in the season for a breakdown. But you all know I am easily pushed to the brink with this voting insanity.

I'm out.