Whoo-hoo!

Ruben on Sesame Street? With Elmo?

Now, if you happen to have a small child and spend a part of your day being forced to watch Barney, Teletubbies, Mr. Rogers, etc...

Ruben on Sesame Street? THAT is must-see TV!!!

(Wow. I have to get a life. Seriously.)

Ruben in the News

Catch Ruben on t.v. in the upcoming months:

01/24/04
01:30 pm ET BET Access Granted Ruben Studdard

01/28/04
11:00 pm ET OXY The Ellen DeGeneres Show Ruben Studdard

01/30/04
11:35 pm ET CBS The Late Show With David Letterman Ruben Studdard

02/07/04
11:00 am ET CNN People In The News Clay Aiken, Ruben Studdard, Shania Twain

02/08/04
07:00 pm ET CNN People In The News Clay Aiken, Ruben Studdard, Shania Twain

02/24/04
09:00 pm ET BET BET Celebration of Gospel Yolanda Adams, Shirley Caesar, Anthony Hamilton, Fred Hammond, Bobby Jones & New Life..., Rev. John P. Kee, Donnie McClurkin, Ruben Studdard, CeCe Winans, Vickie Winans

In addition to the above, Ruben has been nominated for a couple of awards in the upcoming Grammy's and NAACP Image Awards set to air Feb. 8th and March 11th. Plan to watch our boy take his walk to the stage!

Last but not least, Ruben will be appearing on Sesame Street this spring. Those of you with kids know that Sesame Street often has celebs on to sing and do skits with the characters. This is sure to be a hit with the littlest Idol maniacs! Watch your listings!

MTV News is reporting that Ruben has plans to open a late night restaurant in his hometown: read more...

The Future of Humanity...

...is at an all time low.

All I can say after watching the debacle that was last night's broadcast of the Houston Auditions is this:

I'm scared, y'all.

There are many, many, MANY more freaky crazy deluded people in this world than I would ever have believed. Who could blame Simon, Randy and (YIKES - she grew a backbone!) Paula for going off on people the way they did? I would have been macing people right in the face. Left and right. Anybody with the audacity to show up and howl at me like that. Because what I heard last night...that was ABUSE. Judge Abuse.

Okay, y'all. LISTEN UP because I don't want to have to tell you this again:

Go to a meeting, join a support group, seek medical attention, resolve your mother issues...WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO...but STOP HOWLING IN MY TV SCREEN! It's not the solution. It won't help you find inner peace. It won't make you paint with all the colors of the wind. IT ONLY HURTS US ALL.

Now, don't make me hunt you down. Don't make me break my new 42 inch plasma TV and my surround sound (purchased just in time to enjoy the AI3 season) in an effort to silence you.

For everyone's sake, go ahead and admit it. Admit you are powerless over your Idol Dreams. Chant. Meditate. Pray to the Pagan Gods of K-LO, Knee High Boots and Good Stylists. Hakuna Some Matata. Work your 12 Steps.

Anything you can think of. Just as long as you SHUT THE HECK UP!!!

Please. I beg of you.


"God grant them the serenity to accept the fact they cannot sing..."

Where's the talent?

So I can't even begin to describe tonight's show. Oh, wait, yes I can. More insanity. And this time even fluffity, fluff Paula is SOOOOOO over it she explodes and has to take leave of the auditions. Yes folks, if you haven't seen it on the west coast yet, the best part of this show is Paula getting in Randy's face and reading him up and down like a real live bonafide critic. I'm still shocked... maybe she'll be something real on the show this year. Maybe...

I really can't critique anything tonight. I mean, still more crackheads thinking they have been wronged. I agree with our number one reader G- who writes to say he wishes they would show us more of the singers that are making it through. But hey, Fox has figured out that they've got literally hundreds of hours of footage of comedy material and they're gonna use it. So this year's format is a little different in that they're dedicating one whole night to each city of auditions... thus dragging this out another week til we can see some real singing.

I know it's hard to believe, but I'm really not going to say anything about what I saw tonight... you all saw it and you're shaking your head and laughing just like I am. Even thinking about it right now has me laughing again at Daddy-o singing a bizarre version of America the Beautiful and the girl put up to the challenge at the mall. Just plain whack.

Shonda, you're bound to have more to say so for tonight, I'm out.

Stop the madness

so... the show ended yesterday and I turned the channel to see the beginning of America's Next Top Model and this is the 1st thing I heard:

"Girl, you walk like you 'on crack"....

And I laughed so hard because all I could think of was the entire show I just watched on Fox looked like they were all on crack. Simon and Randy were pushed so far over the edge sitting through thousands of insane singer wannabe auditions that they just busted out laughing at quite a few people last night. I mean just out and out laughing their heads off, Randy got up and left his chair laughing at one point. Lost all touch with reality. And those contestants had certainly lost touch with reality. Crack... all on crack. As our brother always says Shonda, "Stop the madness!".

so... maybe there were a few that were not walking like they were on crack:

Well, there was Proud Mary girl who Simon proclaimed "the best we've heard". Did he mean the best today, the best this season, or THE best we've heard. Here we go ya'll this might be one to watch out for in the coming weeks. The only thing I have to ask is what the heck kind of name is Fantasia unless you're a famous Vegas stripper with a solid gold pole and your name on the marquis. Note to miss Fantasia: now that you've been discovered it's too late to change it, but please don't self title your 1st album.

Then how about Elvis? As Randy said, he could have come dressed as BoBo the Clown and it would have been alright because he had such a good voice. (Just take Randy's advice and leave that costume at home.)

Yet another ghetttofabulous named singer - Laketa. Great voice... and get over it Paula. Did anyone else notice that Paula was afraid of this girl? She even used the word jealous at one point. Hhhmm...

Summertime singing Daddy's Girl - Lauren. Loved this girl. Loved the voice and presence and I like that little southern accent too.

Loaded with cheap street crack:

Red sweatpants stripper... I'm gonna do something from FlashDance - Paula says "Oh, that makes sense then" girl. WHAT THE ...?!?!?! Yes Shonda, lost 80 pounds girl certainly rivaled Scat Girl. Please this girl was so close to Scat Girl... wait, no, not that close. But she was definitely on crack with her attitude about how GOOD she was. And then the best part - her so called friend waiting outside who went off after learning that she had been cut. HUH!?!?!?! Girls... if you have a friend that would lie to you this badly - and let you get your no talent butt on national t.v. making a fool of yourself like that... YOU ARE BETTER OFF A RECLUSE. No friends versus that friend? It's always safer to choose NO FRIENDS. Write that down.

O.K. the guy that Randy and Simon laughed so hard at that Randy had to get up and leave - and then Paula tells him to sing another song.... and they immediately burst out AGAIN when he starts back up. Come on now. He had the nerve to walk out and ask for a public apology from them because they laughed...uuuhhmmm and why do you think they were laughing?! D-NI-L. (that's the short license plate version of DENIAL for these crackheads!)

And who could forget Somewhere Over the Rainbow guy.... This almost brought Simon to my favorite line... almost. He said "you're coming close to being the worst singer I've ever heard" CLOSE, but not closer than Medley Boy...

Alright remember the guy who told them he had another talent and it was sucking his stomach in? Then he starting singing (and was horrible of course)and suddenly turned his song into some weird medley of tunes? Look, even though Simon didn't say it, THIS guy was the worst singer ever. And you know what? Just like the other crackheads he managed to say that he thought he was good. Not only that but he was even on "the highest tier, just maybe not quite as good as Clay or Ruben". Those are his words, not mine. I kid you not. But even better still he leaves the room and to the camera through streams of tears vows to return next year. I have only one word for you Medley Boy - medication. You won't be released from therapy before auditions next year honey so don't worry about it.

Can someone tell me where the heck all these people live and work and remind me not to live anywhere near them? I mean are there really that many people out there so out of touch with reality?

Why? Why do they do it? I mean like Shonda said, go apply at Wal-Mart or something. I heard a staggering statistic this morning about Wal-Mart: Wal-Mart is growing so fast that the average number of Wal-Marts opening somewhere in the country almost equals out to 1 a day. Wal-Mart is a fine establishment and there's nothing wrong with working there. People, go find yours and get a job. Singing isn't for you.

Shonda please explain to America what this syndrome we talked about is here. This thing that makes these poor people go there in the first place and then scream and holler and behave as if they were Beyonce who had just been told she had no talent.

Wait.......Now THAT would be insane. Beyonce - no talent?!? Honey please. Don't make my head explode.

Can't wait to see what tonight's show has in store for us. I've laughed so hard the last two nights it was great. The best part is probably watching Randy's face and body language. He is hysterical this time around. But now I'm ready to get down to some talent.

Until later, I'm out.

Iceberg RIGHT AHEAD!!!

No. Seriously. The iceberg is there and it turns out that Scat Girl was only just the tip.

Last night, I watched Randy, Simon and Paula endure as much pain and suffering as a certain big giant ship. Here's a word of unsolicited advice for those of you out there with dreams of becoming the Idol:

You can't sang. You may sing. But you can't sang. That's right, I'm talking to you. Specifically to you. You right there. Uh-huh, I mean YOU. You may think you can sang. But you can't. How do I know?

BECAUSE THE NUMBERS ARE AGAINST YOU.

70,000+ people audition. 69,000 can't sing a note. 550 sing enough to be in the high school Madrigals. 350 probably get a lot of solos in the church choir or maybe the lead in the community theatre's production of West Side Story. 100 can actually SANG. And only 12 of them are going to make it to the real competition.

That ain't a lot of people. So, chances are, you aren't one of the 100. Go get an education, go to beauty school, sign on at the Wal-Mart or hell, go audition for Survivor or America's Next Top Model (but then you have to at least look good). But give up on the Idol dreams. The Idol dream is dead to you.

Scat Girl was only the tip of a very very large iceberg. Girl Who Lost 80 Pounds (GWL80P) scared me. Was she dancing or seizing? Singing or howling? And she truly thought she had talent! And don't get me started on the rest...

As for those with talent, I truly liked Daddy's Little Girl who sang Porgy And Bess like nobody's business. And the Macy Gray girl who Simon ADORED. Sweet Smile Boy was nice too. I wasn't feeling cute boy who crooned to Paula and then called her old in the confessional (HA!). I also didn't love the Kim Caldwell clone.

But we're getting there. Someone whispered to me that all the good talent comes from Hawaii this year. I'm dying to see that.

As I sit here, grooving to my new Guy Sebastian (the Aussie Idol) CD, I am struck by how cool this whole process really is. It's very democratic. ANYBODY can walk in off the street and become the Idol. Well...anybody under 24 who chooses to wait in line for 2 days and looks non-freakish. That's pretty amazing. And terribly American.

Let's see what tonight brings...

Late Edition

Fear not. Exhausted from laughing hysterically, both my sister and I will be posting later this afternoon.

Back With a Vengeance

I always hate this part of the show. Too much time spent mocking too little talent. I mean, come on. Very sad deluded talentless people so desperate for some form of vaildation that they would look to Randy, Paula and SIMON? Ick.

But no "ick" from me this time.

This time, I was just so freakin' glad that AI3 was actually ON THE AIR, that my misery hath ended, that I can put aside my Ruben worship in favor of a new talent, that I can stop replaying the best of AI2 simply to fill the void and that we get back to AI as a reality instead of a dream running in my head....

...whew...

...so glad for all of the abovie that, this time, I just sat back and laughed.

My thoughts? Glad you asked...

1) Simon was awfully cruel to what was obviously a mentally unbalanced individual. Because was it just me or did you all notice how much Scat Girl needs a doctor? A medical doctor with big drugs like Thorazine. I'm calling it now that we hear bad sad news about Scat Girl soon in the future. Here's hoping I am wrong.

2) Dean Martin/Sinatra boy could possibly blow the lid off this competition by sewing up the Clay Aiken/Opie/Howdy Doody set. Plus, I love me some Sinatra crooning.

3) Scooter Girl was cool. At first, I thought "FREAK!" But then she slowly began to remind me of Bette Midler in all the best ways. I'm gonna root for Scooter Girl to make it to the final 32. She might be needing a bit of Thorazine herself though.

4) The harmonizing twins Jesus and Noel were hot. If you ask me, Jesus is the better singer. How much must it suck to be compared to a guy named Jesus? Probably the story of Noel's life. "Why can't you be like Jesus?" "If you were more like Jesus..." "Noel, what would Jesus do?" And you can't even holler "SCREW JESUS!" Because well...it just wouldn't go over very well with strangers. I'm rambling. The point is: I love me some singing twin Jesus.

5) If there is any justice in the world, we haven't even begun to see talent at this point. The real talent is going to come from the other cities. Because this can NOT be the best there is.

That's it.

Me. Reporting Live from My Sofa.

Finally. After All This Time.

I couldn't help but scream... with laughter!

I wasn't disappointed and if you're on the west coast... you shouldn't be either right now. Since this part of the show isn't revealing anything I feel safe posting about it while it's playing on your side of the world. No beatings if anyone doesn't want to see it written about yet. Shonda won't allow this in a few weeks anyway so I'd better get some early reviews in while I can.

Incredibly funny and sadly untalented people displayed in all their glory for our entertainment. I was laughing my butt off right along with Randy & Paula. And even Simon got into the act at one point - laughing so hard at one person that he had to wipe the tears away. Oh man were these some delusional characters. I think Scat Girl was my absolute favorite. We'll see what tomorrow night and the city of Atlanta have to share! Come on, it can't be better than Scat Girl!

Warning: those of you setting a VCR or Tivo ... the show ran about 5 minutes past the top of the hour - at least it did on our network. I had programmed the VCR and had to run up and press record to restart it and catch the last few minutes.

The truth is, that until they really show us more singers than losers I don't have anything to critique... I mean they've humiliated themselves to no end pretty clearly already. It's in the next week that we get down to the nitty gritty and start to compare and find our favorites. That said, I did like Unchained Melody guy, Dean Martin and the twins (boys! not those heinous harmonizing girl twins). I totally agree with Randy and hated Scooter Girl - another broadway voice and personality not right for this show. Don't know what the heck was better about her than ... hhmmm... say Military Girl who actually sounded equally o.k. and wasn't half as annoying. But hey, who knows what'll happen. Oh wait, I know. She'll get to the next round and CHOKE when she has to sing real music with her group! Mark my words... well, even if I'm wrong I can come back and edit this out so you can't prove I said it anyway.

Oh well, this part of the show is really just about the laughs isn't it anyway? So I'm going up to watch it back again .... I need another REALLY good laugh!

It's time!!!!!!!!!

Woohoo! I can hardly stand the wait now... this last 12 minutes is gonna kill me! Don't we just LOVE this first part of the show ya'll? I mean how can all those crazy folks really think they can sing... let alone be THE American Idol?!!?! There are sure to be some gems too. Out of tune, bad wardrobe choice, bad (and unnecessary) dance moves, just plain out of touch and bad singing period. It's almost just insane to imagine Randy, Paula and Simon sitting through hundreds and hundreds of those. My favorites are when Randy starts to laugh at them... while trying to hide behind a piece of paper. And how fluffity, fluff, fluff will good old Paula be ya'll? Let's count how many times Randy says "Dawg" tonight. And if Simon chooses "the worst singer in the world" again tonight... well we KNOW it can't get any better. I'm ready. I'm all set to pick my favorites and all set to begin the best t.v. there is for the next few months.

Are you feelin' me dawg?