Frenchie talks about her friendship with Ruben and more...

Hhhmmm... Frenchie and Ruben apparently have a healthy competition going on as she mentions in her conversation with the New York Post.
"Ruben [Studdard] and I are very good friends," she says of her former rival and reigning American Idol, "but I tell him, 'You'd have gone home if I stayed in.' "

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See the boys on Oprah Tuesday!

Clay, Ruben and Justin G. will be gossiping, performing. Ruben will also take us on location for his video.

Studdard, Aiken Singles To Go Head-To-Head

Studdard will return home to Birmingham, Ala., on Sunday to make a video for "Flying Without Wings." The Eric White-directed clip may be shot in the city's Linn Park, with local fans invited to take part in the "welcome home" celebration.

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Wave your hands in the air if you saw America's Next Top Model on Tuesday night!

Who knew that skinny beautiful women made for such good television? There is something so compelling about their vapid eagerness. I was on the edge of my seat, breath held, as I watched to see which Model Wannabe (MW) could take her makeup from a day look to a night look in five minutes and win the prize. The mind reels at the drama. And of course, our girl Elyse won. Firmly proving that while it's okay to be pretty, it's better to be smart. (Sadly, it also underlined the fact that it's even better to be pretty AND smart -- especially if you can apply false eyelashes under a time crunch).

The snarking and bitching reached a fever pitch this week as Nicole shot her career to hell in order to stay home and repeatedly phone her neglectful BMX riding boyfriend's answering machine. Then she had the audacity to state that she doesn't want to be dependent on a man for her happiness. Hint: you might want to stop calling him. When she's ejected from the show by an irritated Tyra, she's glad to rush back to whatever backwater village she came from so she can wait for her boyfriend not to call in private. Good riddance.

While Elyse still remains my top pick and all around favorite MW, Adrianne emerged this week like a butterfly from a white trash cocoon to prove that she too is serious model material. Now, Adrianne speaks in a droning nasal tone that makes her sound like she's had too much heroin so I made the mistake of dismissing her from the start. But girlfriend showed her true colors with her power workout (plus-sized Robin showed up late then pissed off the trainer by refusing to exercise), her glee at being made over (Robin cried because she didn't want highlights, Nicole ranted about not wanting to lose her current $1500 weave, Ebony bitched because she didn't want her teeny tuft of hair cut off), and her joy at posing with a boa constrictor wrapped around her neck. And then she proved that you CAN take the girl out of the trailer park if that girl wants to get out badly enough. So sick with food poisoning that she can not walk, Adrianne talks her way out of the hospital so that she can make it to the Contestant Elimination Meeting. You gotta love her -- what is impending death when there is a model contest to win? Shaking, pale and bleary-eyed, she lets the judges put her through her paces (the test: apply makeup just like the photo of Tyra!) without a word of complaint and doesn't barf on anyone even a teeny bit. This girl could be a Marine -- that is, if a Marine's main job was to strut a catwalk in four inch heels.

Y'all, I watched this episode back to back three times. I'll say it again: if you can only watch one show this summer...

As for the other shows, there's not much competition.

Fame: I forced myself to watch the second episode in the hopes that the singing would improve, the judges would get tougher and Joey Fatone would have mysteriously disappeared and later be found in a half way house for fading boy bands. No such luck. This show sucks beyond all reason. Yes, 23 million people watched the premiere. 23 million AI junkies who desperately needed a fix like the addicts that we are. But the fix they are selling over on NBC is cut with flour, people. It's not the real thing. Dear God, those judges actually have me longing for the simpering suck ups of Paula Abduul. I will never watch this show again -- I deleted it from my Tivo season pass menu.

The Amazing Race: Now, Sandie maintains that she hates this show. I generally do too. But this season, I watched out of desperation -- there is NOTHING ON and as the mother of tiny baby, there's this crazy law that says I have to stay home with her when she sleeps. And I found myself happily sucked in. Mainly because I have fallen in love with Reichen and Chip. Reichen and Chip are two badass homosexuals in a committed relationship. Reichen's a former Air Force officer and Chip is a business man and together, they have come to the Amazing Race with one agenda -- to kick booty. Handsome, witty and downright dangerous when crossed, Reichen and Chip keep their relationship a secret simply because they don't want to be either labelled or judged while they beat down the other contestants. My money is on these two cuties.

American Juniors: Okay, the first episode was good for a serious laugh. Or it would have been if I weren't so worried about the abuse many of these kids are suffering at the hands of overzealous fame-hungry parents. Some kids had raw talent and parents who did nothing more than drive their children to the audition out of sheer exhaustion at being worn down by begging and pleading. Those were the normal parents -- the ones secretly wishing their kids would be rejected so that they could get back home to soccer practice and swim lessons. And then there were the other parents. The ones who mouthed the words to the song along with their children. The ones who made their kids rehearse in line, snapping, "No. Do it again!" The ones who cried when their kids weren't picked or worse, ranted and raved. You could easily recognize their kids on stage -- they were the ones with the haunted Stepford Wife looks on their faces and they moved expertly through a choreographed routine, shaking inside about the beating they would get if they messed up. There were the sisters -- one of whom seemed to think she was channeling Britney Spears and one of whom the mother described as "the ugly duckling" on camera. There was the freaky boy who sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" as a combo gospel song/pop hit and could raise his leg over his head. There was the chubby girl who was so disturbed that she could barely get the notes out and whose mother was described by the show as the "stagemother from hell" when she threw a tantrum after the poor child was rejected. But my favorite was the 9 year old beauty pageant veteran who clearly could not sing but whose grandmother zoomed around in a circle on her motorized wheelchair, puffing on a cigarette and ranting to the cameras about her outrage. "What I want to know is, IS SHE FIXABLE?" Right in front of the girl who was so hopped up on praise and training that she kept breaking into song for anyone who would listen.

One kid told the cameras, "Being a pop star is stupid. That's why I want to be a whale trainer."

He has a point.

Yes, last week we had the all-out nail biting drama of watching a kid almost become the first 9 year old ever to win the National Spelling Bee (he came in third) as a show of truly great competition (never watched the Bee on ESPN? You don't know what you are missing).

Yes, we have Showtime's Out of Order to keep us grounded in truly good writing (lots of sex, lots of angst -- Thirtysomething on cable).

Hell, we even had the Martha Stewart Movie to remind us that any one who gets in the way of our rise to the top should be stepped on while we smile and serve turkey cutlets rubbed with olive oil and sage at a table we made ourselves with old barn wood and twenty-five paint techniques.

But as the networks end their seasons and summer approaches, reality shows begin to rain down on our heads like so much acid rain...

Fame:
Debbie Allen = good TV. How can you not love the woman? "You want fame? Well, fame costs. And right here is where you start paying. IN SWEAT." I get the shivers just writing those words. My hips start shaking, my booty dances and, Debbie, I AM PAYING!

That said...

Hopeful singer/dancers jumping around on stage = bad TV. Their group performance was mediocre. Their dancing was lame. Their individual performances had me running around the room, shrieking in pain and outrage.

How badly does this show wish it were AI? It just shows that you can't copy brilliance. AI has the perfect blend of homespun excitement, talented voices, attitudinal judges and cheesey group songs. Fame has...Debbie Allen. And that's it. These kids should be singing show tunes, should be shooting for Broadway -- that would have distinguished the show from AI in a big way and made it...well, more like Fame. Instead, I had to watch some of the most painful singing EVER along with the most mushy judges EVER. And don't even get me started on Joey Fatone.

NBC, make it stop.

For Love or Money:
Right up there with Joe Millionaire in terms of evil, nasty, how-low-can-you-go TV. Fifteen women show up looking to win a guy (a la The Bachelor) and then find out that whoever wins the guy also wins $1 million. And the guy can never know about the money. A MUCH juicier premise than both The Bachelor (exactly why would you be so dumb as to compete on national TV for a boyfriend?) and Joe Millionaire (so you ARE dumb enough to compete for a boyfriend on national TV but it's okay because he's rich...oops, you were ALSO dumb enough to believe the producers when they told you the guy was rich!). Here, at least the women have their minds on their money (and their money on their minds) knowing they will get a check if they get the guy. But, oh, their minds...let's just say they aren't the shiniest stars in the sky. Note this exchange between two contestants:

Girl 1 (looking around the lounge in the beautiful Bel Air mansion where they will live): I can just see me, curled up with a book in here.

Girl 2 (eyes wide): Do you read?

Girl 1 (laughing): NO.

I was so scared for the future of our country at that moment.

America's Next Top Model:
Truly the best of the bunch thus far. Why? There's no singing. No dancing. No boys to fight over. What it has is Elyse. Yes, there are 11 other girls but Elyse is what the show is really all about. Elyse is a six foot tall, 114 pound goddess who also happens to be a med school student and very, very intelligent. In the real world, Elyse struggles with being an Amazon. In the world of ANTM, Elyse struggles with being smart in a penthouse full of girls who may or may not be able to sound out the words in a Dr. Seuss book. This, my friends, is what good TV is all about.

The girls lie around in their undies and discuss their pores for an hour. Elyse hides in a closet and screams. The girls practice their runway walks for days on end, debating walking styles with an earnestness that is chilling to anyone with an IQ. Elyse hides in a closet and rants. And the best part is...Elyse is actually the best model of the bunch. She's thinner (all the other girls hate her because they weigh 130), she's pretty in a unique way and because she does not give a damn, she's far more natural than all the others. The other model wannabes don't like this. They discuss her eating habits, rail against her skinnier frame. The fact that she's an atheist drives the three Jesus model wannabes over the edge and they begin to look upon her with a dislike that is decidedly un-Jesus. The fact that she would rather be a doctor than a model causes a near riot amongst the other girls, leaving them spitting with rage. The other model wannabes close ranks against her with a building hatred. For the first two episodes you watch as Elyse's spirit is beaten down with hair gels, group prayers and photo shoots in the freezing cold. She's existing on oatmeal and hour long rants in the confession closet. She actually turns to the camera and yells: "ELIMINATE ME!" The other model wannabes are dancing around, war paint smeared on their faces, fire in their eyes as they mount Elyse's head on a stick. It's Lord of the Flies in that penthouse.

And then, just as last week's episode was coming to a close...Elyse gets it together. A gleam in her eye, she decides that she's going to win this damn competition. No matter what. You could literally feel the power shift, hear the imaginary swell of the music. Elyse is going to kick some model booty. I LOVE THIS SHOW!

Now, this week, AI Juniors begins. I'm going to watch but I'm telling you now, ANTM is the show of the summer. A little bit of evil competition to tide you over until the next AI begins. Things are looking up...

PS: how come Ruben got a contract, Clay got a contract but my beloved K-Lo is contract-free?