The let down is tremendous.

It's over. It's actually OVER.

What exactly am I supposed to do with my time now?

Read good books? Enjoy the glorious Cali sunshine? Hang out with my friends? It all sounds good. And healthy. But frankly, I'd rather be watching AI.

(note to self: this is why you are single.)

I mean, come on. Every Monday, I'll be all atwitter with excitement knowing that I'd be getting some good singing come Tuesday night. Tuesday, I'd surf the web looking for the latest AI stories. Wednesday, I'd post my review on the blog. Thursday, I'd read all the emails y'all sent and laugh at the funny stuff you had to say. Friday, I'd let it all go. Saturday and Sunday, I actually behaved like a citizen of the human race -- talked to friends, shopped, read the New York Times cover to cover. And by Monday, I'd be ready to get back to AI.

I'm gonna miss shouting into the telephone, "Can't talk, Ruben's singing!" before I hung up on any loved one but my sister. I'm gonna miss dancing around the den. I'm gonna miss the pitying looks on coworkers faces when I managed to work AI into the conversation for the 50th time.

Exactly what am I supposed to do with myself now? I've become a TV addict. I actually did watch America's Top Model this week. It was surreal: 10 impossibly tall skinny girls who do nothing but eat and talk about Jesus as they share a Manhattan penthouse and vie for Tyra Banks' attention. One girl actually said that she knew this was God's plan for her. Excuse me? God ain't thinking about top models. Is he?

Oh, man. How long until the next AI begins?

Subj: RUUU-BENNN- STUDDDD-DARDDDDD!!!
Date: 5/23/2003 12:41:49 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: Sandie
To: Shonda

Alright so where do I even start!?! They rolled out the red carpet and the place was filled with celebs and as Shonda said "you'd have thought it was the Oscars"....

Unlike you Shonda, I loved those long 2 hours of nothing. Can I tell you that I was loving all the fluffitty, fluff, fluff, fluff and I don't even care how many of you didn't like it! It's supposed to be just pure old entertainment on a leash. And that it was my friends. That it was. Entertainment for a couple different reasons too. Great songs from our top 3. Bad songs from last years winner. Great looks for some of the AI top 12 women. Bad tour-o-rama drama. Anyway you look at it - entertaining.

So let's get this party started:

Let's talk about the tour-o-rama drama as I've nicknamed it first. Oh I'll admit I sho' was considering buying that ticket to the AI summer tour. It IS coming to my city and I'm not ashamed to say I would have gone. WOULD HAVE... past tense. So here we were cruisin along through this cute little cruise ship group number - all in matchy poo-poo khaki, white and chambray that Old Navy was CLEARLY springing for (you couldn't get them looking any more Old Navy than that) - when ....

SCREEEEECH!!!!!

OLD NAVY if you're out there .... SEND K-LO SOME BIGGER PANTS! Her butt is stretching those to the limit. What is the problem here? Why isn't anyone listening? I mean big butt = big pants. There's nothing negative about that either. Everyone just deserves pants that fit! That's all I have to say about that! Now... back to the number itself -

I'll admit, the girls all looked pretty cute, although for some reason they chose to dress them like some old Kim Lite footage (read: skimpy top). I found myself wondering: why must we be condemned to a life of watching bare mid drifts and belly rings shimmying around a stage? And then - Trenyce caught my eye. Girl you were all kinds of cuteness tonight! Loved that clean modern look on the short weave and could anyone else compete with that cute halter look she had going on?!? It wasn't so bad afterall perhaps... until the moment that made me sell my tour tickets: I found myself staring at The Hairdresser, The Goat and The Barbie girating center stage only to leave one of them (I can't even say it) solo snaking her hips in the spotlight to Let's Get Physical. That moment alone is the reason I'll avoid this tour. My eyes are still burning...

The best of the group drama - K-Lo, Rub, Charles and Rickey doing Midnight Train with the boys as the Pips! Woooo take me on back to my daddy's old music! I loved it! K-Lo can do some Gladys now. And the harmony from the boys was hot! Say what you will, but I loved this single moment.
On the other hand, I hated these moments - Rickey in his recreation of a bad disco moment (just say no Rickey!) and then poor Charles being hung out to dry on his number. It became painfully obvious how badly he had been outsung in the finals when it was all put together like that. I really like Charles and once thought he had a decent voice... he just isn't strong enough to hang with the big dawgs!

One last thing about the tour-o-rama drama : Rickeyliscious!!! Can I remind you how much I LOVE me some Rickey!!!!!!!!!!! Even though his boogie-on-down moment was a sore spot... the rest remined me that you don't get that high smooth harmony from anyone BUT Rickey in this group and I love every minute of it. I can pick his silky voice out of the harmonies ... I find myself listening for him in the undertones... music junkie I know.

So then they tried to change it up a bit bringing out nothing but the heavy hitters... the finalists, last years winner... hhmmm, speaking of last year's winner...

Her performance of One Voice - well it was One Voice alright... one voice too many! Kelly Clarkson was EMBARRASSED and if she wasn't she SHOULD be. What were they thinking having her sing with Ruben and Clay's voices behind her!?! HELLO??!?! Get real girl. Just a reminder Kelly : You do NOT have enough of IT to go up against these two voices. Ruben could have turned it up a notch and drowned her out in a second with all that out of tune belting! And Clay could have easily hit all those notes she didn't! Skinny r&b wannabe girl, you cannot compete. Don't let those producers convince you otherwise.

Last year it was ALL about the 2 finalists. But this year was different. They knew and had to acknowledge that K-Lo was one of the Big Dawgs and deserved to be praised in her own right. I was wrong - it wasn't about duets (although they HAD to go there with that horrible duet between Ruben and Clay near the end!) it was all about seeing the top 3 performing at their peak one last time. Well... if I'm being honest here only 2 of them met the challenge. The trio performance - the little montage with Clay, Ruben and K-Lo was great... but K-Lo sang her butt off and Clay following her sounded weak, out of tune and pathetic actually. The first time I think I've ever said that about him in this entire competition. He was smoked by the sultry diva as she turned it on for the millions one last time. And I was happy for that.

Loved it: The big guy in the pinstripe suit singing his song like only he can.
Hated it: Could he have sweated anymore under those lights? He should have lost 10 lbs there alone!
Loved it: once again, Bridge over Troubled Water (they realized that noone wanted to hear that whack original single that he sang the night before again and just went for the show stopper) This is my song and I think he does it well.
Hated it: the super dorky, corny duet Ain't No Stopping us Now with Ru and Clay. Stop that horrible "dancing" if you can call it that Ru and Clay! I certainly hope Paula isn't trying to resurrect her career as a choreographer with that number. Watching either Clay or Ruben dance like that gives me the willies!
Loved it: Randy DAWG in the suit! He was looking kind of cute...
Hated it: Paula in whatever that was she had going on - the dress, the hair...
Loved it: the hometown celebration footage. A nice warm feeling to see the friends and families supporting their own.
Hated it: the countless number of times they tried to get some comedic relief out of the 2 worst hosts in the history of television at each hometown event. What kind of questions and interviews were those? They could have shown it once and moved on! Overkill.

Alright ya'll I can't say enough about this show this year. I loved the entire season. I'm so sad to see it go...

RUUUUUUBBBBEEEEEENNNNNNN STUUUUUUUDDDAARRRRDDDD!!!!!!

Now a star in his own right. And so the voting ends.

I'm out.

Need a good cynical laugh about AI?

http://www.fametracker.com/galaxy_of_fame/2003_05_22.shtml

It's hysterical!

It was a long two hours. An endless two hours. Too much Ryan, too much fan footage, too much singing. And then with a tiny 1300 vote lead out of 24,000,000...

But before we get with the joy, let's break a few things down:

1) What did Paula have attached to her head? Because I thought it was a dead squirrel. Did she think that faux pony tail looked good? Use your Tivo freeze frame and you'll see that the ponytail wasn't even the same color as her hair. Come on, all the money the show has coming in and girlfriend can't even get a decent hair piece? For shame.

2) I will not be going to any Idol concerts. Why? The sight of Goat Girl, Ho Girl and Hairdresser grinding their skinny hips and howling to "Let's Get Physical" is not a sight I want to have to endure again any time EVER. Even Olivia Newton-John didn't like it. Did you see the hurt, pained look on her face at the terrible molestation of her beloved 80s pop hit? Ack, blech, eew.

3) Gladys Knight sang along to her own song. But, unlike the Gibb brother, it was alright that she did so. Why? Because she's Gladys Knight. Because she did it while dancing in a joyous affirmation of K-Lo. And because I said so.

4) Kudos to whoever stood backstage ripping the clothes off Ruben, Clay and K-Lo and redressing them during the 60 second commercial breaks. That was some serious work and they did their jobs well. Also, they deserve credit because, while I feel the love for the top three, none of them are people I want to have to see naked.

5) The finalists (minus Marine Boy and Crime Boy) came together for a group medley and once again, I was struck by three things. One, judging by some of their voices, America obviously picked the best people to make it all the way. Two, some of them should be arrested for trying to dance. And three, Trenyce's hair cut was FAB-U-LOUS. That girl can wear some hair!

6) Kelly Clarkson CAN NOT sing. Yeah, she's got a platinum album. Yeah, she's got a J-Lo booty. But her voice is one big glory note and she ain't got the pipes to compete against Ruben or Clay. Or Trenyce or K-Lo, for that matter. I wish her all the luck in the world with her career but I don't think she's gonna last. Tamyra got robbed.

7) How gracious was Clay? He really was nice about it. And so was his mama, who hugged Ruben's mama. I don't think he was as happy as he pretended to be, though. I think he really wanted this thing. Check out last night's show where he almost burst into tears when Simon told him that his rendition of "Bridge over Troubled Waters" may have won him the competition. But the truth is, with such a small margin of votes keeping him in 2nd, Clay will be fine. He'll release an album, become a huge star and do well. Good for Clay. But I'm still glad Ruben won.

Ruben won.

Ruben WON.

RUBEN WON.

Y'all, I screamed out loud at the TV. I did. I hooted. I hollered. I made a fool of myself in my den doing the happy dance. And then, I am ashamed to admit this but...

...I cried.

I did. I cried like a fool. And when Ruben sang "Flying Without Wings", I thought to myself: "Why yes, he is. He's flying without wings. It's such a beautiful song." And then I cried some more.

Now y'all know I hate that song. Correction. Hated that song. Because suddenly, I love it. Hell, I am humming it right now. I even know the words. "You're the place my life begins and you'll be where it ends...I'm flying without wings..."

What is it about this show that turns sane cynical people like me into blithering sobbing cheerleaders? It's the America thing. You know what I'm talking about -- the dream. The whole American dream thing. The dream that a poor boy from Birmingham Alabama can become a superstar based on talent and cute dimples. What's more American than that?

And damn it, I fall for it every single time.

RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNN!

ohhh... I can't stand it! I feel like I should be holding someone's hand when the results are read... like I'm one of the contestants or something.

alright I'll get it together.

Listen. Last nights performances were just FAB! I won't recap the whole thing, mostly because Shonda said what I would have said. But I DO have to say I disagree on one point. I did like the choir backed supercharged final numbers of each performer! More drama, Mo better! But that's just me. I mean you have to know I like a good stage performance, even in this context. I jumped off my couch and was 1 foot from the t.v. I wanted a BIG screen t.v. at that moment. Say what you want people. But I LOVE that drama and will be online at Amazon.com buying Ruben's single! Alright... if you noticed, I did not say I would be buying Clay's single. I hate to say, but I hated that song! UGGHHH! I'd buy his choirized Bridge Over Troubled Water in a minute though. I'll tell you a secret. I used to play an old scratchy 45 record of that song as a child - over and over and over again. It was one of my older siblings old left behind, but certainly not forgotten records. (yes, back when we actually played RECORDS!) So I was SO excited to hear that Clay was singing that song and with the choir backing him and all... you don't get too much better than that... unless Trenyce is singing it! Now that could be GOOD!

Alright everyone enjoy the show. The final show. Oh it's too much to bear...

I'm out.

Between AI, the final Buffy and the Gilmore Girls, I am bursting with excitement -- I am a proud resident of our TV/Tivo Nation. But really: Buffy can wait, the Gilmore Girls is so-so, my mind is focused on one thing and one thing only. The pinnacle of our AI Journey arrived at last -- the final sing off.

This was no swoon-y feather weight battle a la Justin and Kelly. This was heavy weight singing. Ruben and Clay both packed up what they had going on and BROUGHT IT.

Yes, the cheese factor was high. From gospel choirs to Paula's platitudes to Paul Anka, tonight's AI felt more like the endless opening ceremonies of the Olympics -- overblown, overdone, overstuffed but they always manage to get you to choke up with the emotion and the beauty of it all. You KNOW it's ridiculous but you go ahead and buy into it anyway.

For me the choke up moment came when Ruben sang "Imagine". Now, unlike most people, I hate that song. Nothing against John Lennon; my hatred stems from a college roommate who felt it necessary to blast it 24-7. But Ruben's version got me. He turns on the smooth butter voice and the dimples... all the sudden, I'm nodding along, thinking to myself, "Yeah. Imagine all the people. Brotherhood of man. That's so beautiful. Thank you for mentioning that, Ruben." Like I'm brainwashed and thinking about drinking the Jim Jones Kool-Aid. Ruben has that effect on me. Even when his voice is failing him. Which, let's face it, it kinda is these days. He's put too much pressure on them pipes.

Clay had his moments tonight too. But I can't help it. I want Ruben to win. Now, before y'all Clay-maniacs start the hate mail, I dig Clay. As a matter of fact, for the past few days, I've been pushing away the nagging thought that Clay should probably win. He's good. He's got an amazing voice. He's come really far in the makeover department. And he's so darn wholesome and sweet. But he never gives me the shivers. He never makes me scream at the TV, "That's what I'm talking about!" Maybe if he were playing Simba in the Lion King on Broadway -- if he was Simba maybe I would scream. I want to see Ruben be declared the winner. I wanna see his mama cry. I wanna see him yell one last time, "205 Represent". I wanna see him sing his original song while the confetti rains down on his head. I want the satisfaction.

Now, on the topic of their original songs: can I get an "ugh" from the congregation? Both songs SUCKED. A little too much sugar in the bowl, a little too much frosting on the flake. It wasn't my favorite but at least "A Moment Like This" was a SONG. You could sing it, you could get misty about it. But...flying without wings -- is that what Ruben was saying? And was he actually rhyming "wings" with "things"? And I don't know what Clay was crooning about -- something with a LOT of glory notes to make my head hurt. I do know that I don't want to have to hear those songs on the radio a million times a day.

As for their clothes, I ain't got much to say about a bunch of suits and white shirts. I miss the girls. I miss saying KICKASS high heel boots. I miss the clothing review. Ah, well. It's all over now.

Who knows what will happen tomorrow night?

I will say this: One hour and 52 minutes into West Coast voting and I've only been able to get through on the Ruben line twice. And that's doing some serious pressing on the redial button.

I'll refrain from talking about the show yet. But I'm bursting at the seams after watching! What I did come here to say though is that 47minutes into the east coast voting time and I have only been able to get through ONCE! And that one time was at 46 minutes!!!!!! WOW!

I can see you're getting your vote on tonight people!

I'll let you West Coaters in on a little secret (that you may have heard already thru the grapevine...) instead of 2 voting hours tonight we have THREE! I guess I can see why now... it'll take you that long to get even one vote in!


I'm out.

Okay. I would say how sad it is that my sister's kids know what American Idol is enough to remind their mama that it's coming on. But then she'd be all, "POT!"

(as in calling the kettle black)

Because my 11 month old watches AI and cries loudly when Marine Boy, Kim Lite, Goat Girl and (sadly) Trenyce sing. Whenever Ruben or Clay sings, she stops crying and gets this huge smile on her face. With Ruben, she sometimes sings along in a tuneless "Woo-Ha" tone. Okay, enough about the children (does anybody else remember crazy bad singer girl singing "What about the CHIRREN" in the round of 32? Hee.)

Anyway, last night's show was indeed fluff. The only good part is that Josh has been returned to active duty and was not there to sing. It made me wonder, though: is he going to get to go on tour? Because even though I hate him, the man deserves his tour time just like everybody else.

But the fluff was pleasant. Ruben sang. Clay sang. Kimmie was treated like a returning hero and got interviewed separately. She looked rested. Ruben and Clay looked exhausted.

Guess losing has its up side.

A conversation

Some people worry about their kids watching too much violence.
Some people worry about their kids listening to all that music with explict language.
Some people worry that their kids are growing up too fast.

Not me.

Shall we peek into my life this evening...

Conversation between my preschool and kindergartener boys just before 8p.m. eastern time as they put on their pajamas:

PRESCHOOLER: "Are you gonna watch SpongeBob or American Idol on FOX?" (my eyebrow raises at the notion that a)he's even saying American Idol on FOX and b) he thinks Sponge Bob Squarepants is a perfectly equal level of entertainment)

KINDERGARTENER: "That's not on tonight! Ewww... somebody farted!" (falls out laughing)

PRESCHOOLER: "It must have been you! American Idol was just on the commercial and the guy said next, so it is TOO coming on!"

KINDERGARTENER: "You just farted like an old man!" (rolling on the floor laughing at his own jokes)

PRESCHOOLER: running away, deciding he's too refined for this aimless fart humor - "Mommmmmyyyyyyyyyyy! Your program is coming on!!!!!! We're gonna miiiisss iiiiiiiitttttttt!!!!"

America, I ask you, American Idol and fart pranks? What more could you ask for from your sweet and innocent baby boys? They're going to be just fine America, just fine.

Hhhmmm... that last part felt like I just stepped into a Bernie Mac taping...

I'm out.

p.s - enjoyed the fluffy marshmallow show - for what it was tonight. Not too bad. Notice... they've traded Josh for Vanessa in the group segment? Hhhmmm... what's going on there?

Extranious Footage

So what could they be showing for the days and hours worth of programming they have set for this week? The losers pouting while taking out the trash at the mansion? Weeks of footage of Kim Lite in a bikini by the pool at the mansion?..... oh please..... don' t let us sit through too many unbearable product plugs either.

Maybe it will be something good, like Trenyce getting her weave done at the shop. Josh snacking on some chicken. Hhhmm....

The show is definitely much better when we first get to the finals. 2 people can only mean 2 things: endless songs by the same 2 people, endless attempts at poorly harmonized duets. Oh now ya'll see the duet thing is precisely why I said we needed K-Lo as one of the final 2. I mean the harmony would be awesome. Plus, I'll say it again - do you really want to see Ruben and Clay in a summer movie next year?!?!

No, I'm just kidding. I'm excited about the shows this week as usual. I'm happy with the finals in that we did get some incredible talent this year. But I still have my personal faves that I wish would have made it.....

(open the dream sequence)

What if the final two were:

Rickey and K-Lo - they could do a totally divaliscious version of Endless Love! (and Rickey wouldn't have to do both parts himself!)
Ruben and Trenyce - oh I feel a good Luther Vandross/Patti LaBelle number coming out of this one! (prepare yourself for all the endless runs up and down the scale and many looonnnggg overextended notes to get the applause... woo! I'm tired just thinking of it!)
Trenyce and Charles - man all I can see is a wicked recreation and duet of Ease on Down the Road from the movie The Wiz! HELLO!?! (poor charles... just outsung with his little Michael Jackson tune - here though he'd have a chance to pull out just one more. Hhmm... I wonder if he's singing that tune over the PA in his grocery store?)
Clay and Kim Lite - ahhhh theme park and wedding singer delight! Quite the selection out there - just think of the possibilites.... How about a Sonny and Cher number instead. Hhhmmm - "Babe. I got you babe... I got you babe..." Oh stop...my side hurts laughing!!
But wait. What if the final two were Josh and Madrigal Girl? They could do a painful and amazingly talentless duet of Islands in the Stream. Cowboy hats, white boots, purple suede skirt and matching shirts with lots of white fringe, rhinestones ..... (POOF!)

whoooo, I woke up. The dream started out all nice, but then towards the end... what a horrid nightmare I was having!

I'm out!

We're winding down to the final hours. Man. So sad.

The show is at its best with five or six contestants, I think. It's not as much fun when there's no one left to hate. Ruben and Clay were the clear front runners from the very start of this competition (or at least post-Frenchie). It would have been such an upset if one of them had not made it to the final two. I'm rooting for Ruben. Obviously. Clay doesn't need me -- he has a zillion screaming little girls behind him and Broadway ahead of him. Besides, no matter how off Ruben's been of late, Clay never made me want to throw my panties at the TV. Eeeewwwww..."Clay" and "panties" are two words that should never be in the same sentence.

Anyway, Sandie and I are busy discussing what we're going to do with this blog in the between the finale and Season 3 of AI. What do y'all think?

Should we cover AI Juniors? The parents will be fun to abuse but who wants to rip on a little kid with no talent? Okay, I do.

Fame on NBC? It's nothing more than a shameless use of a good song and Debbie Allen's famous words to do a rip off of AI. But, hey, there is dancing.

America's Next Top Model on UPN? Top Model looks like it will be stupid but a hoot -- I saw footage of Tyra Banks screaming at a bone thin model wannabe to "EAT A BISCUIT!"

Let us know what you'll be watching.