Underwhelmed but overjoyed...

Well... as I said to Shonda on the phone during the show Tuesday night, without the electifying diva performances of Trenyce I was so bored and underwhelmed that it didn't even move me to rant. I see however that Shonda, you did all the ranting for me. I agree with ever point (or should I say number) with the exceptions of your psychosis of Ruben becoming a Pavlov experiment Stepford husband (SEEK HELP) and the 90210 Reunion (I will NOT be there). But even Josh wasn't enough to push me to the computer after the show...

well... alright since I'm here now...

JOSH WAS RIDICULOUS! Racing around the audience singing Jive Talking???!!!??? HELLO JOSH??!!?? Didn't I specifically say that I did NOT want to hear Josh's version of Jive Talkin?! You see, I am being punished. Whatever... my only consolation is that he's now right where he should be (which is anywhere but on AI). I heard Simon use the word "manic" to describe his performance. Running back and forth popping his face into cameras and horrified audience member's faces as fast as he could while mumbling an off key version of a song that should have stayed buried in the vaults in the first place.... yes... it would be classic manic behavior if you took the microphone out of his hand. But alas, my days at dissin' the rhinestone cowboy are over. Josh is gone.

CAN I GET AN AMEN!

So... now that we're clear of the dead weight, what really strikes me is that we are left with only the best of the best. What does this really mean? It means that from here on out we will be mourning the loss of a great performer no matter who is voted off! I don't like it one bit! Who am I kidding? This show is good! Last year I have to admit that once Tamyra was voted off I didn't give a hoot who really won. They weren't even half of what this year's finalists have been. (well we know there were some exceptions... but they're all gone and forgotten now, let it go) Anyway, what was I carrying on about? Oh yeah, it's going to be such a trying results show session next week! I mean it's a big old toss up... we've certainly seen that just about anyone can end up on the chopping block.

Oh well. I can't wait to see what's in store for this year's final 3 and then 2. What will the shows be like? How many songs? Guest judges? Will the stylists be on their game or out of their minds? Will K-Lo's hair look as good as it has looked in the past weeks? Will Clay try one more time to make us think he has some sex appeal and rhythm with red leather and Elvis hips? You know, all those important things!

I can only imagine what's in store for us next week and after. Does anyone think that AI has some whack twist in store for us this year???? I'm beginning to suspect they might have something up their sleeves...

I'm out.

GO FRENCHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FRENCHIE IS BACK!

Well, not back on AI. But she's going on Broadway in RENT. GO GIRL!

"Frenchie Davis, the big-voiced singer who was ousted from TV's "American Idol" pop competition earlier this year will make her Broadway debut as the "Seasons of Love" soloist in Rent, starting May 16. Davis will be the soaring soloist in the Act Two opener of the Broadway smash, and will play ensemble roles, a spokesman confirmed."
--Playbill.com

We had to sit through a BeeGees medley. We had to watch Josh sing to his daughter. We had to endure a farewell video.

But FINALLY Josh is no more.

All is right with the world.

From: Shonda
Date: Tue May 6, 2003 11:39:35 PM America/Los_Angeles
To: Sandie
Subject: 10 Things I Hate About the BeeGees

Due to the BeeGees theme of the show, I could not bring myself to watch AI live tonight. I needed to have the comfort of the Tivo fast forward in case things got high-pitched, painful and ugly.

Boy, did that fast forward come in handy.

I have so many things to say on so many varied topics that I've gotta go to the numbers. 10 to be exact.

1) I never EVER want to witness Clay Aiken gyrating his hips and singing "Grease" again. EVER. NEVER. EVER. NEVER. EVER. My retinas are burned. My ears are bleeding. Dear God, I beg of you, never again.

2) Similarly (and far more strongly), I NEVER EVER want to see Josh Gracin (or his wife or his Marine pals or anyone holding a Josh sign) on my television again for any reason other than to see him being booted off the show. As you all know, he is dead to me so I will not mention him further.

Except to say that he's a potato head.

And that I hate his faux country accent.

And that I vomited when he raced into the audience and stuck his face into the camera while howling "Jive Talkin".

And that I HATE how he constantly mentions his fans (aka DEAF PEOPLE).

And that he CAN NOT SING.

Rage over.

3) After a long phone debate this evening, Sandie convinced me that Ruben is not stupid. He's just young and therefore, like many others of his generation, manages to look completely blank most of the time even though he's really thinking of Shakespeare or at least of what Carson said yesterday on TRL. Sandie's reasoning made me feel warm inside as it means I can continue to nurture my dreams of our impending marriage. He is teachable. I will read him Zora Neale Hurston and he will sing to me over breakfast. It is a fair trade. Ruben's songs were so good tonight (he was the only one who gave two solid performances -- it says a lot that he could pull off something as horrid as the BeeGees) that I could almost feel his engagement ring on my finger.

4) K-Lo's hair was FAB. Loved the curly ends. As were her boots, her skirt and her black top. GO GIRL. She looked great but sadly, did not sound great. I blame the BeeGees. I blame their blasted high pitched Barbra Streisand, Staying Alive, Grease is the Word CRAP. Which is why I called in to vote for her over and over again while watching my Tivo'ed AI. On the bonus side, her line was busy 8 out of every 10 times I called. The K-Lo crew was ON IT. I think she'll make to the final 3.

5) Robin Gibb sang along to his own songs. Robin, that is not something you want to be caught doing on national TV. Don't do it again.

6) Rickey and Charles were in the house. Don't be in the house, boys. Be missing. Be MIA. Make people think you are busy with record deals and tell all book tours. AI kicked you out -- DON'T GO BACK BEGGIN' FOR SCRAPS! At least not until the tour.

7) Future Shows on Fox: Okay, this was almost better than the show itself. Why?

A) A 90210 Reunion. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I am so there. That show was a car crash and I have got to slow down to view the wreckage.

B) Whitney Houston's going to be on Boston Public. Let me say that again. WHITNEY HOUSTON is going to be on Boston Public. Wha...? I freeze-framed the Tivo to make sure they were talking about THE Whitney Houston. And I'm so sad to say that they were. I felt almost tearful as I have loved Whitney since way back in the day when she was the only black girl modeling in Seventeen magazine. I imitated her hair styles from How Will I Know right on up through I'm Every Woman. I have seen The Bodyguard several thousand times. And now she's singing on a low rated show on Fox? Wha...? Whitney, sweetie, this is what the 12 Step people call HITTING ROCK BOTTOM. Seek help. Or get a new agent.

C) They are doing a Doggie Beauty Pageant. I can't bring myself to discuss it except to say that this has GOT to be the single dumbest idea on television since they let Magic Johnson have his own show.

8) I am almost glad AI is close to ending because I can no longer tolerate Paula. She was responsible for my finger on the fast forward button most the time. Girlfriend has gotten on my LAST nerve with the sticky sweet love fest she's got going on with the contestants. SAY SOMETHING REAL!

9) It's sad that Maurice Gibb is dead. Everyone says he was the real talent of the brothers.

My respects are now paid. So I can say without guilt that I never want to hear another BeeGees theme night mentioned every again in future seasons of this show. I hate to use an old word but this theme was WHACK!

10) I never EVER want to witness Clay Aiken gyrating his hips and singing "Grease" again. EVER. NEVER. EVER. NEVER. EVER.

This is Shonda, reporting from my sofa.

Three and a half hours until IdolTime. All I can say is, Y'ALL BETTER VOTE!

Did y'all know this?

"...a clause from the American Idol contract was posted on the message boards last year stating that the producers have the right to choose the winner, if they don't agree with the results of the voting. So even if Josh does get the most votes, he still may not win. To further complicate things, we'll never know if this clause was invoked or not, because the voting results are not released to the public."
-Gil Sery reporting for Foxes on Idol

Interesting tidbit for today.

The new AI CD:

What kind of crazy magic do they have up in the studios? Because on the CD, both Carmen and Julia sound GOOD. In fact, Julia sounds so good that her rendition of "At Last" is my favorite thing on the album (SCARY but true). I had to check the credits to assure myself it was her.

As for Carmen...highly skilled technicians clearly used a digi-Vulcan mild meld with a side of synthesized Exorcist to take the Goat out of the Girl. Thank for that kind gift, whoever you techies are.

One down side: I don't like what they did with my K-Lo's version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". She doesn't sound like the K-Lo we all know and love.

Definitely worth a listen.