People have been sending us e-mail with questions. Which we LOVE, thank you very much, because it means we're not just blogging into a void. Anyway, I thought I'd answer a couple of them here.

"Gregory" asked: "My friend and I have an argument about Clay. She says that he has been in the bottom 3 twice. I reviewed my Dish network TIVO, and although I don't have all of the episodes, I can't remember Clay ever being voted in the bottom three (neither has Ruben, for that matter). Now, I know he was voted out, and came back as America's wild card, but she is referring to his return while he has been in the top twelve. Can you two settle this little tiff between us?"

ANSWER: You are right and your friend is wrong. Neither Clay nor Ruben have EVER been in the bottom three since making it to the top 12. I've got the Tivo to prove it.

"Straw Berry" asked: "My friend, Jessi, has a thing for the lanky stylist that appeared on the April 22 episode of American Idol.  She's been looking her heiny off to find out his name and I've been helping.  It appeared at the bottom of the screen and apparently she was too dumbfounded to remember it.  Anyway, if you do tape AI, then could you get out that episode, rewind it, and find out who he is, all the while gawking at his hideous self?  She would be gargantuanly greatful."

ANSWER: Her heiny will fall off if she keeps looking because I don't remember ever seeing the stylist on the show with names on the screen to identify him/her. The official website lists the AI "style experts" as Miles and Kirsten. But they were never truly introduced on the show. Perhaps she's referring to the guy who paid the AI contestants a special visit to dress them in the 3/18/03 "Old Navy" shopping spree? He's a famous stylist who's often on the Today show. His name? Steven Cojocaru.

You ask, I answer.

Singing Baby's Daddy

So - speaking of Ruben's fans audience signs... YES I did see the one you mentioned Shonda. You're hilarious!

Did you notice the one that said "Ruben is my baby's daddy"?

WHAT?!?! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Alright I've regained some composer. No I haven't.

WHAT?!?! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... hhhmmm... ahahahaha (nervous laughter, now hoping that that girl was just trying to get on t.v....)

Conspiracies revisited:

All I can say is I SO wanted to SPOIL IT FOR ALL YOU LATE WATCHING FREAKS ON THE WEST COAST!!!!!!!!!!!!

It took every bit of strength I had to keep it to myself all night!!!!!!!!

I am honestly shocked that Madrigal Girl went before Trenyce. I just thought we would continue to be punished for being such cruel haters. But alas, it IS the week of the miracles. Moses... and now this. What more could you ask for in on week's time?

What's even more shocking to me is the de-throning of Marine Boy from the 3rd seat!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA (fiendish laugh of glee)!!!!!!!!! I even shouted in excitement over and over again to Shonda on the phone "She has unseated The Marine!!!! She has unseated The Marine!!!!!!" K-Lo has unseated Mr. Popularity. (And that would not be a reference to that pitiful excuse of a reality show FOX duped us into watching.)

I'm almost beginning to believe my psychobabble about Simon's manipulation ploy... Whatever the reason - let the games begin!

Now, lest we forget, let's revisit those conspiracy theories yet again: Who was suddenly in the bottom 3 out of absolutely nowhere? Josh. A male. Now considering what has been happening in the previous weeks and how much patriotic sympathy support Josh has been getting, wouldn't K-Lo have been in the bottom 3 just as she has been? Sure she would have been sent back to the couch first as the highest vote getter of the 3 just as she has been right? HOWEVER, then there would have been 3 girls in the bottom 3 and no boys. Which means.... next week when it's time for a boy to go (keeping it even) it simply would NOT have been believable for Josh to suddenly be voted off! So who thinks that by putting him the bottom 3 (bottom 2 precisely) they're setting up a more legitimate looking departure next week?!?!?! HHmmmm.... fact or fiction? conspiracy or coincidence? You decide...

I'm out!

From: Shonda
Date: Wed Apr 23, 2003 9:22:07 PM America/Los_Angeles
To: Sandie
Subject: (no subject as I am too busy dancing for JOY!)

The Goat is gone...The Hellmouth is closed...The Madrigals are reunited...Satan took a holiday...However you want to say it, it all boils down to one beautiful fact:

CARMEN IS NO MORE!

Can I get an amen?

Whew. The competition can FINALLY begin. The last five standing are all reputable contenders. Although from time to time, I have flashbacks Josh singing "Celebration" and I break out in hives. But K-Lo, Ruben, Clay and even LaShundra/Trenyce are all worthy.

The best parts of tonight's show? Glad you asked.

1) K-Lo's KILLER OUTFIT! Did she look good or what? It was as if Simon anointing her as his favorite kicked the stylist's butt into high gear. She must have been out all day searching the racks for the FAB denim dress and TO DIE FOR high heel patent leather boots (note those were not the same amazing boots she wore a few weeks back -- NEW BOOTS). Or maybe they got a new stylist. Either way, tonight, Kimmie was very urban Sex and the CIty, very fabulous.

2) Trenyce's SCARY OUTFIT! The micro-mini, the beret, the necktie...was there a time warp and no one told me? She looked like a very tall, very skinny, hobo. The most frightening part was, she was acting like she thought she looked good. Poor girl.

3) Carmen's final song. I enjoyed it. WHAT?! Yes, I enjoyed it. First of all, that was TRULY the best I've ever heard her sing. Perhaps rejection is good for her vocal chords. Two, you got to see her stage door Mama in the audience crying because Satan went back on the deal. And third, IT'S THE LAST WE'LL SEE OF CARMEN!

Maybe Kimmie will actually win this thing. Oh, my.

Warning: contains weird psychoanalytical notions about the 'hair comment'...

Actually what Simon said was "ever since you got rid of that weird hair you've gotten better." (I've obviously spent too much time rewinding her segment!)

It could sound a bit like he's dissin' the ethnic hair thing - BUT then I remember that it's SIMON! Come on, this is a guy who feels it's o.k. to tell people (of all races and creeds) that they look dreadful, that they're fat, that they look old in certain clothes, that their butt is too big, that their hair is hideous, their face looks weird, and on and on. Coming out of someone elses mouth yes, I'd be concerned. But Simon is just an a$& no matter who he's talking to.

Let's also remember that Randy was actually the first person to keep giving props to "the straight hair" as he keeps saying.

Guess what I think about the whole thing in the big picture? Let's be real. We know exactly why Madrigal Mishap is still in this contest and why she isn't likely to get voted off before Trenyce either - there is most assuredly a following based soley on the fact that she isn't a woman of color. So guess what? I think K-Lo is BRILLIANT if she realized somewhere along the way that she had to snow the conspirators into coming around to her by presenting a more, shall we say... widely accepted appeal. Shoot I say win the dang competition and then laugh all the way to the bank with that curly hair!!!!!! Simon is even playing her hand for her by acknowledging it too.
OR anyone want to believe that Simon isn't anywhere near as idiotic as he appears to be? That he knows exactly what he's doing... he's creating more of an audience for K-Lo himself. He see's the dollar signs on her too now and is going to great lengths to pick up votes for her and dump Goat Girl AND Clay from this competition.
He simply plants the notion with the fence jumpers that K-Lo is changed, completely different, cute... take a second look at her... vote for her... she's even better than Clay (and Ruben although he knows she won't beat his following now). He's managed to say all of those things in the last two weeks about her - just as he did with Carmen when he was on her kick. And look what happened when he did it with Carmen. hhhmmmm... I think he's more of a scheming devil (who's out to make money) than the ignorant jerk he plays on t.v. ...

that's my psycho babble for the evening.

I'm out.

I'm lying on the grassy knoll, hanging with the second shooter and discussing conspiracies and other theories.

Here they all are. Believe what you want to believe, toss out what don't fly:

1) Simon hand-picked Carmen cause he thought she had the "Britney factor" and then discovered that America had had enough Britney, thank you very much. Now he's going all out to disassociate himself with her.

2) The one about the judges trying to keep the whole thing even with girls vs. guys (see what Sandie said on 4/21/03 about this).

3) A shout out to those of you who sent me the theory that they don't want to have only black people in the final two for fear of alienating white fans and thus the voting will be rigged until the end.

4) LaShundra is being set up to be voted off this week. They are purposely editing her to look unpleasant and leaking fake stories about her "diva-tude".

5) The voting is rigged every week no matter what. Satan's making good on his deal for Carmen's soul and she's going to win this whole thing.

Those are the theories being whispered all over the web today, FYI. Okay, I got to get off this knoll as I'm getting grass stains on my dress and this second shooter guy looks kinda occupied what with his rifle and JFK riding by in that car...

Hey, was it just me, or did anybody else have a problem with Simon telling K-Lo that she looked good now that she got rid of that "dreadful" (aka BLACK PEOPLE'S) hair? What's up with that? Why's he hating on my people?

From: Shonda
Date: Tue Apr 22, 2003 10:42:51 PM America/Los_Angeles
To: Sandie
Subject: The Lambs are Screaming...

Tonight's show was all that and a bucket o' chicken!

(Yes, I just said bucket o' chicken. I get crazy when I'm happy. Shut up and read.)

Here's the breakdown:

1) FREAKS ON PARADE: Diane Warren. Man, that chick is weird. She is FREAK-EE with a capital FREAK. She has the scary soft voice of someone who got her lunch money stolen a lot in junior high and the wide eyes of deer caught in speeding headlights. She obviously could use some time with a good hairdresser but I won't hold that against her because boy, can she write some love songs. Which is weird because I read somewhere that she lives alone and she spends most of her time with these giant pet birds. She made for a bad judge because she, like Paula, feels it necessary to engage in a love fest each time she opened her mouth.

2) ANNOYING CHATTER: The Mr. Personality references from Simon, Randy and Ryan. Nothing but obvious "product placement" foisted on our host and judges by the powers that be at Fox. As if ANYTHING could make us watch that show again after last night. Like anybody could fall in love with a guy stupid enough to wear a heinous rubber head for three weeks...

3) REWIND MOMENT OF THE NIGHT: Simon outed Ryan on the show. Okay, I had to rewind and play this again and again to be sure I heard correctly. Then I called Debbie and made her rewind and play just for a second source confirmation. So I am POSITIVE about this: Simon outed Ryan on the show. You shriek: "What?" You ask: "Huh?" You plead: "No!" YES, Y'ALL! I saw it! Here, now, I will re-enact for you the outing.

Ryan: Everybody this is Simon's girlfriend! Isn't she cute?
(Cheers from audience, struggles for freedom from poor girl who is so pretty that she is obviously with Simon for the money and is horrified to be shown on national TV without her good belly ring in.)
Ryan: Now, our next contestant...SIMON! Don't say a WORD.
(Ryan points to Simon in warning)
(and here it comes...GET READY PEOPLE!)
Simon: Where's Arthur?
(Randy's face goes slack from shock. He pales, then laughs nervously.)
Ryan: ANYWAY...

"Where's Arthur?" As in, "You've shown my girlfriend, let's see your boyfriend." Now, Ryan can be as gay as he wants to be. It's all good with me. And if he's in a relationship, it's all good with Arthur too, right? Ryan, say it loud! You're gay and you're...oh, wait. You're not proud, you're HIDING IT! Shame on you for not being the gay American Idol for millions of gay teens! (Although if he is hiding it, it's kinda mean of Simon to out him like that.)

4) JUDGE RANT: Okay, Paula was like she always is -- so cute and sweet and kind that you want to lock her in a room and force her to listen to her own music. Now, Randy was on something. Because he had NO PATIENCE for bad singing. The "Dude...Dawg..." was totally tempered by his simmering rage that these people will go on to have better, more famous careers than his own. Now, Simon...I don't like Simon much (mainly because he gets to go on TV and say what I'm thinking) but tonight he was DEAD ON THE MONEY. I actually fell off the sofa laughing at his assessment of Carmen. So now I have my very own A.I. injury.

5) THE PLAYERS: Next to the outing of Ryan, this was the best part. Here it goes:

K-LO (I love that name, Sandie!): She was FAB-U-LOUS! Truly. She sounded amazing and she makes me wish I could sing (cause y'all know I can't carry a tune). I was digging the highlights (thank you, Herbal Essence). But once again, I WAS NOT DIGGING THE STYLIST! Why must we be subjected to views of K-Lo's thigh fat and booty jiggles? Now, I am down with the larger woman. Hell, I AM a larger woman. And I know not to leave the house, let alone get on National TV, with my booty in a zip code of its own. K-Lo, smart girl that she is, probably knows it too. The stylist on the other hand...perhaps I should say that in quotes..."stylist". Because the "stylist" ain't styling too well. Once again, I plead that she be FIRED so that K-Lo may shine, may paint with all the colors of the wind, may feel the wind beneath her wings...

Sorry. I went all Diane Warren on you all. Anyway, I love that Simon thinks K-Lo could win the competition because she's been my pick from the moment they ejected Frenchie.

CLAY: Future Phantom of the Opera star. He's wonderful. He's fabulous. I adore him and I know he'll be around until at least the top two. Enough said. Oh, also, I also think he was looking pretty damn cute in a pixie, sprite-y, forest creature-y, Disney animation kind of way. Which means little girls must be swooning for him.

TRENYCE: Note to Miss Thing: There are no tiaras and scholarships here. So drop the act. THIS AIN'T THE MISS AMERICA PAGEANT! Now you know I think she can sang. I definitely think she has some talent and will probably get a nice big recording contract even if she doesn't win. But if she doesn't stop that fake smiling, super sweet-acting, "I Just Want World Peace" thing, she is going to get voted off the show SOON. Simon was right when he said that she had no discernible personality. She's too busy trying to lull us into forgetting that her name is LaShundra. All I have to say is that when Ryan asked her what she did in her free time, I shouted "She SHOPLIFTS!" at the TV. Stop trying to snow us with your Miss Teen America act and be yourself, girl. Okay, not totally yourself. I don't want to hear about you pocketing a few things from the Wal-Mart...

JOSH: I sighed. I sighed some more. I covered my ears. I hit the mute button. You know you sound bad when your own wife won't even give you a standing ovation. What was that noise he was making? Was that supposed to be singing? Was he trying to communicate with dogs? Josh needs to get back to the Marines before that beer belly spins out of control. Nothing makes America lie awake uneasy under the banner of freedom more than the notion of an overweight soldier with bad highlights protecting our safety.

CARMEN: I get down on my knees every night and pray to the gods of hair extensions and high school musicals that Carmen will be sent back to whatever scary hellmouth she rose out of. Satan's Handmaiden took a perfectly beautiful song and mangled it beyond recognition. She wanted to show her range? RANGE? (insert hysterical laughter here). If Josh failed to communicate with dogs, Carmen definitely succeeded. Why must I be tortured in this manner? Why must AMERICA be tortured in this manner? Do we not suffer enough from the burns of Ryan Starr? Must we continue to be punished? Simon's comment that Carmen has no chance of winning the show had me dancing in glee. Unfortunately, Ryan once again ruined it by soliciting pity votes for the Goat Girl. Can he STOP with that already? SHE NEEDS TO GO HOME! Please make the lambs stop screaming...

RUBEN: Okay, I saw a sign in audience that said "Ruben Puts the "Stud" in Studdard". Which was adorable. Y'all know I have no objectivity on the Ruben front. Love me some Ruben. Even if he is as dumb as a post. He opens his mouth to sing and I lose my mind. Don't know what that's about. Perhaps medication is needed. Anyway, he was great as usual tonight. Although I DO think Simon's comment about K-Lo was very interesting. Could it be possible for her to beat Ruben and Clay? I don't know about that...

Okay. I'm out. Keep your fingers and toes crossed that Carmen's pact with Satan ends tomorrow night...

This is Shonda, live from my sofa.

Subj: I'm Mad too Randy...
Date: 4/23/2003 12:18:36 AM Eastern Standard Time
To: shonda

Aaaahhhh... what a refreshing and very interesting show this week. This show had a different feel to it for some reason. I just felt that all the fluff was gone and the judges - well, Randy and Simon anyway - were down to business. Forget all that "marketable look" crap and lets talk about what this competition is supposed to be about: Who the hell can actually sing up there! And not only who can sing... but who REALLY has the "pop artist" thing going on. I was so happy to hear the critiques from Randy and Simon tonight. Dead on all the way through. Let's get real people - we're looking for a superstar - the best there is. Randy and Simon make that point over and over again.

So let's begin:

The guest judge was Diane Warren - who I thought would be every bit as good as Gladys Knight was as far as insightful and honest critiques of the performances. Not so. If I had closed me eyes I might have confused her with Paula. According to her, everyone was just lovely. But she was clearly not comfortable doing what she was doing either. Come on Fox dig deeper than that.

The performances:

K-Lo: that would be Kimberley Locke to you older fans out there. Everyone was so down with the K-Lo tonight! Awesome performance. Great song choice, and she's coming into her own on stage finally. One complaint: Once again the stylists chose bad pants! Get pants that fit! On another note: Lucky for her someone told her family and friends to put away the chicken signs. No ghetto shots tonight. What's interesting is that Simon has now jumped in her corner. Will this help or hurt the K-Lo? Get off your butts and vote you K-Lo fans!!!!

Clay - he was excellent tonight. But when hasn't he been? Interesting, but Simon is finally saying what I've been saying all along: Phantom of the Opera - yes, Pop Star - no. He's right that Clay will get a ride out of this show and will do well somewhere. But I'm hoping that K-Lo can bump him out of the number 2 spot now. "WHAT?!" you say.... Yep, that's what I said! By the way - did anyone else notice how good he looked tonight? I mean he's looking downright cute tonight. I'll tell you this: He should spend every penny he makes to keep this stylist cause he's digging deep to bring that boy some cuteness!

Trenyce - well definitely better than last week. She had a great diva outfit and weave going on. Great song choice in my opinion... but guess what? I'm gonna shock you with this one: Trenyce has an awesome voice, the 2nd best female voice in this competition. I mean NOBODY can do a Whitney tune as divalicious as Trenyce. But I am not awed by her anymore. Not feeling her as much as I was. Don't know why. Just the way it is. Randy's comments were interesting. He said he wasn't "mad" after her performance. Mad? Hhhmm... clearly there is someone in the competition who IS making him mad though. He's so bitter lately!

Josh - is it Josh who's making Randy so bitter? Maybe. It makes me bitter knowing that he's taking votes from people who really belong in the finals like K-Lo just because he's a marine. Poor song choice tonight. What were you thinking? You don't have the range and depth in your voice to do a song like this! Out of tune, all over the place. And I never thought he was heavy when Simon was making those comments back in the early rounds about him losing weight. But tonight I realized that the white t-shirt didn't camouflage the beer belly well enough.

Madrigal Mishap - ugghhhh I am soooo tired of dissing her it isn't even fun anymore. So the comedy began when she said she chose that song because it would "showcase her voice and range". WHAT?!? Carmen. Listen, you don't have a range let alone a voice girl. Get real. I laughed my butt off when she said this. And then sure enough she stunk up the place with a horribly flat and way too long performance. This must be the source of all Randy's anger. He is mad that we have to listen to her week after week. He is mad that she has knocked truly talented singers like Rickey out of this competition on the fluff factor alone. We all are Randy. We all are. Once again his comments to her were priceless! He just couldn't hold back. (more laughter!!!) And then came Simon. (even more laughter) He fired again with a shot as piercing as last week's. I'm hoping that his shot is enough to put her (and us!)out of misery for good! Note: I agree with something you said last week Shonda: Ryan Seacrest STOP PLEADING FOR VOTERS TO KEEP HER IN THE COMPETITION! If you have to beg for the sympathy vote then she doesn't belong there!

Ruben - Finally Ruben. Boy Ruben showed his versatility tonight, which is what Simon wanted last week. This song showcased a different side, the higher range, of his voice. It was fabulous. It just don't get better than that. One note: Simon's comment was so interesting. He's now suggesting to the public that K-Lo can beat Ruben (and Clay). I mean if Ruben and Clay are AT the top of their game already and K-Lo is rising quickly... what happens? Is Simon right? See in my opinion this is how the competition should have been from the beginning. Stricly between Ruben and K-Lo. Even a week ago I would have included Trenyce in the mix too, but she's not holding my attention anymore it seems. The turn around here just proves that you gotta be bringing it every single night at this point in the competition.

Once again I'll say this: Get off your butts and VOTE you K-Lo fans!!!!!!!!

breaking it down for you week after week - just telling it like it is...

I'm out.

From: Shonda
Date: Mon Apr 21, 2003 9:51:41 PM America/Los_Angeles
To: Sandie
Subject: Awwww.....how cute (insert vomit here)

More fluffy fluffiness than a barrel of baby chicks. That was tonight's AI "extravaganza". Even though I knew it would never happen, I kept praying that Ryan Seacrest would get those finalists on the sofa and ask some good old fashioned hard questions. Such as:

"Trenyce, exactly what did you shoplift and why are you no longer LaShundra?"
"Carmen, does it bother you that you are still here when other people with actual talent have been voted off?"
"Ruben, do you eat to live or live to eat?"
"Kimberley, how hard is it not to slap the smile off Carmen's face each day?"
"Clay, to come out or not to come out...that is the question."
"Josh, how come you fake an accent when you sing country songs and do your fellow Marines curse your name as they crawl through the sands of Iraq?"

But NOOOOOOOOOOO. Everyone just bubbled around cute as bunnies, loving each other to death.

That said, I guess Kimmie scored the most points with the audience by playing the down-to-earth, "I don't wear makeup at home and I don't think I need to dress like a ho to be a performer" conservative girl. She got loads of applause.

The How to Be Fake award goes to LaShundra who made sure to mention God as her idol. Guess who's her second favorite idol? Whitney Houston. Yep, right after God. God then Whitney. Just so we know she has her priorities straight.

Ruben seemed a lot less lovable tonight. Not sure why. Except as he spoke I got the painful inkling that there's not much going on inside his head. Perhaps birds nest there. Could he be an Idiot Savant? Hey, as long as he sings in that voice...WHO CARES?

And finally, the "As If" shout out goes to Carmen who suggestively refused to answer whether or not she and Clay are an item. Hello?! Clay likes his lovin' with a little testosterone, if you ask me. And even if he didn't, it would pain me deeply to think he'd be interested in Goat Girl.

This is Shonda, reporting live from my sofa.

Conspiracy Theory

So... tonight we'll see the ultimate fluff I suppose. But however fluffy, I'll not miss a minute!

Have you seen the new conspiracy theory floating around the boards out here in cyberland? Supposedly the producers have a plan to keep it even... girls against guys. So they eliminate the lowest scoring male or female accordingly to keep it even instead of the lowest scoring person period. This would definitely explain how Rickey got voted off instead of either or the Barbie sisters. It kept it even. Now... how do we explain Madrigal Mishap still being on the show!!!????? Well... you decide... she IS Simon's wild card pick. And we couldn't understand why the heck he would have chosen her in the first place anyway. At first we thought she was simply the 'Britney factor' added to the mix. But now we're supposed to believe people are realistically voting this madly for that no talent teenager? NOT!

Oh boy, I'm watching the show right now and sure enough who do they start off? CARMEN! And the freak is singing You can't Hurry Love! I'll tell you this: I Can't Hurry out of this room fast enough!

Don't want to spoil it all for you on the West Coast so I'll get off here and go watch by myself.

I'm out!