Still reeling from the madness that was Wednesday night's show. I am more convinced than ever: GOAT GIRL IS EVIL.

SET YOUR VCRS! Monday night's show is rumored to be nothing more than a puff ball piece. Obviously. Fox slapped it together to get us all to watch Monica Lewinsky host Mr. Personality.

TOTALLY OFF THE SUBJECT: I love Monica due to the fact that at the tender age of 21, she was villified by the entire country for doing what any 21 year old girl would do: she flirted and fooled around with a hot powerful man. Hello?! The MOST Powerful Man in the Free World. Geez, cut her some slack. Because, at 21, you would have had to pry me off Bill with a crow bar. (I'd have to pry you off too. Go ahead and admit so you can feel the Monica love already. I won't tell anyone. It will be our secret.) Anyway, she went through it and she seems to have come out whole what with her handbags and her HBO special. So I say it loud: I dig Monica!

BACK ON TRACK: Anyway...Monday's night's show. Yes. Tape it because along with in depth interviews with each of the final six contestants, the finalists reprise their favorite performances from week's past. Sadly, this can never be a greatest hits kind of night as Satan's Handmaiden Goat Girl will be bleating away (grrrrr.......) but plug your ears during that one and it should be okay.

WHO LET THE "DAWGS" OUT? Also, I hear there will be no judges on Monday so we will be spared the Simon/Paula ice fest and Randy's limited vocabulary.

That's all I know for now.

The Wizard of FOX ( otherwise known as the dreadfully scary version of The Wizard Of Oz)


I can't even begin to tell you how overjoyed I was when I saw Barbie and Kelly Doll in the bottom 2 last night. It all gets fuzzy after that....

Next thing I know Ryan Seacrest muttered something about "safe".....

that's the last thing I remember.... the room started to spin, the t.v. was sparking, flames shot out of the cable jack ....

I had been transported into a real live version of The Wizard of Oz. And when my house landed I walked outside and saw a dead blonde laying under the corner. Right before my eyes her glittery spandex tube top sizzled right off her body and suddenly I had it on and couldn't take it off. Her body shriveled up and POOF it was gone. All that was left of her were a few strands of shiny blonde hair and some scattered sequins. I wiped my eyes and sure enough it was all real. But what came next would forever strain my sense of reason... Suddenly another cheaply dressed, blonde witch flew in on her broom stick. Her cape said "I'm the REAL Idol" on the back. She was bleating some strange song about how I had landed my house on her sister and I would have to pay. And pay we all shall... for the Wicked Witch of the Madrigals will sing on in the finals.

Off she flew on her broom and as she sped away singing she wrote something in the sky with the trail of smoke.... M-A-D-R-I-G-A-L-S F-O-R-E-V-E-R....

I just wanted to run away. So off I went on a little journey. I met some interesting people along the way, one a cheezy lady who had nothing to say except that I was such a pretty girl and insisting that she was once a star and the other an irritating british man who never stopped complaining. They insisted that I take them along mumbling something about needing a brain and a heart. I agreed - but they fought with each other the whole day! So at nightfall I ditched them and took off on my own. Because I had run all night from the 2 strangers I fell asleep in some flowers and was finally captured by the witch and forced to listen to her sing day and night. I couldn't seem to escape, until one day I accidentally spilled my water into her amplifier and the next thing I know she began to sizzle and fry with electricity. Finally she was nothing more than a pile of green velour and melted weave hair. (we all know how cheap weave hair just kind of melts instead of burns) Magically the kingdom turned beautiful, everyone took out their ear plugs and a fabulous man named Ruben was crowned king. He told me how to get to the Wizard. When I got there the wizard was nothing more than a dude from the ghetto named Randy. After sitting through a slide show of his career with numerous references to someone named Maryah, he gave me the secret that I needed to get out of that tube top and back home to Ohio. He said "Yo dawg, all you gotta do is put your heels together and do your thang. Come on dawg, I'm feeling you." So I trusted in Randy and clicked my heels together and chanted "There's no place like FOX, there's no place like FOX, there's no place like FOX..."

POOF! It was all over in an instant. I was back home on my couch watching Kim Lite give the FAKEST farewell speech ever. Then the camera panned to the other contestants and I knew it was all true...

CARMEN WASN'T VOTED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Today after my therapy session I came to realize that having one of them gone is better than none..... but this is still insanity at it's finest.

I'm out.

From: Shonda
Date: Wed Apr 16, 2003 9:39:28 PM America/Los_Angeles
To: Sandie
Subject: OH MY GOD!!!

DING DONG INDEED!

Yes, I've never liked Kim Lite. Yes, I agree she should be singing in a theme park. But when I found out she and Carmen were the bottom two, I was already doing my dance of joy around the den in celebration of the fact that never again would I be forced to endure goat-girl's strange bleating tones.

You could have knocked me over with a feather!

Kim Lite, the icon of very Barbie-loving AI fan, got voted off? Instead of Carmen? I actually screamed when they said Carmen was safe. That is CRA-ZEE!

Now, I'm not complaining because at least we're a step closer to no longer having bad singers on the show. But CARMEN OVER KIM LITE?

We're living in a Bizarro-world!

I told you Carmen had a deal with Satan.

ding dong the witch is dead!

which old witch?



sorry can't spoil it for the west coast.....

Well I've tried unsuccessfully to post my rant about last night. It just won't cooperate for some reason. So hopefully it will pop up soon! Let me just say that if the OBVIOUS doen't happen tonight I will probably suffer yet another breakdown. So if you don't hear from me for a while that would be why....

Subj: Kudos to Randy!
Date: 4/16/2003
To: shonda

So - in my opinion it goes without saying... the show was good. Down right great for a few reasons:

1) the singing was good. The entertainment value was pretty high.... I gotta say that the two people who absolutely SUCKED were worth the entertainment value alone tonight! Madrigal Girl's reviews were the highlight of the show! That was THE funniest thing I've ever seen. I mean I couldn't stand laughing alone so I had to jump on the phone and call you Shonda just to laugh some more. That was the most satisfying DIS I've seen in a long time. I'm laughing again right now thinking about it....

2)Diva Kim had a stellar night and had her most praised filled review session yet. The girl ain't going out like a punk!

And now on to some reviews of my own:

Kim Lite - aahhhh.... well... absolutely dreadful (to quote Simon). Once again I will plead with the viewers everywhere: STOP VOTING FOR THIS GIRL!!! Word to the stylists: start putting your resume together cause this one is the worst yet. Her outfit looked as if it had been made by Edward Scissor Hands and her red streaked hair reminded me of Heat Miser, a character from a well known (and beloved) Xmas show we watch every year. Yep... go ahead and say it... I'm a hater. Make no mistake, that would be Hater with a capital H! Fo' Sho' as Ruben says.

Madrigal Mishap - uhhhmmm .... I know I said I wouldn't mention her ever again... but this one is too good to pass up : "yo, yo dawg I felt like I was watching a very average beauty pageant contestant. Yo, I didn't get it..." Yo Randy, dawg you are MY Idol! Not one of the judges had anything positive to say about her. And Randy was SO happy to hear Simon dissing her that he couldn't hold back. I'm still laughing over this. And let's just discuss another serious stylist issue: what the heck was she wearing?!? Alright, let's get real. I'm just not sure why she has made it this far. Simon screwed the whole thing when he added her to the finals. Now we have people like her staying in round after round knocking off people who truly deserve to be there. I have and will continue to rewind this segment of the show for the sheer entertainment value of the reviews! Go Randy!

Trenyce - well I'm not sure what I saw really... was it good? was it bad? what was she wearing? Was that a good look for her? I'm just confused after watching this performance, choice of hair, makeup and wardrobe. My bet is that the voters will be too. Could be ugly.

Clay - clay, clay, clay, excellent voice as usual. Fabulous singer. But sadly I have to agree with Simon tonight on the fact that you are better with my eyes closed! I LOVE me some Clay just as much as the next girl out there. But REALLY... if we're being honest (our forte here) he will be the next Barry Manilow NOT the next Justin Timberlake! Way too broadway to be the next Pop anything let alone Idol. I half expect him to bust out some jazz hands with each performance. But that's o.k., you go boy and get you some recognition from this show! This will be your stepping stone to bigger things to come. Positive shout out to the stylists again: thanks for a nice look that was without many faux pas.

Josh - mr. marine has had a few good performances and this was one of them Excellent song choice, great for his voice and style. Excellent job. Still a hater... don't think he belongs in the finals either. But I can admit when someone sounds good whether I like them or not. (Still can't forgive him for the 'Celebration' Massacre of 2003 disco performance though). Finally put on something other than jeans.

Ruuuuubennnnn - ahhhhhh the magic of Ruben continues. He had the audience laid out screaming and crying. Girls everywhere were passed out in front of their t.v.'s by the end of the performance - which allowed them all to miss Simon's unfortunate comments of the evening. However unfortunate they were I will respectfully agree to some degree. He is pretty one dimensional and predictable at this point. But hey... it seems to be selling so why ya complaining Simon? Like you said on the phone Shonda, Luther sounds the same way in every song he's ever made.... and if he sang to us tomorrow we'd still be falling out like fools. I don't think the voters really care Simon. Another look at him without the 205 plastered on his chest. And looking good too!

Diva Kim - now this was THE BEST performance of the night by far. No question. She sounded so at home in that song and actually looked comfortable performing it. I've always thought she was awkward performing - great singer, just not a great performer with great stage presence like Trenyce for instance. But last night, well she was finally relaxed and did a her thang. Mad props to the stylists this time. Great improvement over that crap they've been smashing her into. Nice look, nice performance. She sold herself to a few more fans last night and hopefully she can hold on and squash out the two barbie dolls once and for all.

well, this is late... the show will be on soon.

I'm out.

An excerpt from a TV Guide interview with Rickey that explains the sobbing child Fox kept showing the night Rickey got voted off:

"TVGO: Who was the little boy crying in the audience the night you got eliminated?
Rickey: My little cousin.

TVGO: How's he doing now?
Rickey: He's doing great."

Not big news but I was curious...

And apparently Rickey is doing just fine because he's going to be opening for a Busta Rhymes concert this week. Hercules! Hercules!

From: Shonda
Date: Wed Apr 16, 2003 2:11:05 PM America/Los_Angeles
To: Sandie
Cc: Deborah
Subject: Only the Good Die Young...

Billy Joel night was...well...Billy Joel night. Fine. Okay. Whatever. I found myself thinking, since when is Billy Joel big enough to warrant an entire night? Yeah, he writes songs and all but he's not a huge driving force that has changed the face of music or anything? I mean, what about a Carole King night? Now THAT would have been amazing. But I must admit, the choice of Billy Joel was head and shoulders above some of their previous choices. Give me Billy Joel night over Country Rock night every day and twice on Sunday.

The Breakdown:

1) First, let me give props to Smokey Robinson (who is his own driving force in music) for being gracious enough to sit there listening to people NOT singing his songs. Hell, they brought out Verdine and his press-n-curl and people sang his stuff. But Smokey? Nah, let's just slap him in the face. By the way, can I just say that I know that Smokey has got to be over 60 if he's a day and THE MAN LOOKED FINE. So fine that the word requires two syllables: FO-INE. I freeze-framed the Tivo and stared hard for signs of plastic surgery and I gotta tell ya, Smokey's youthful prettiness does NOT come from a scalpel. GO SMOKEY!

2) Yet again another singer who's career is in the toilet was sitting in the audience of AI when she should have had her butt home writing songs. Yes, Jody Whatley, I am talking to you! Get your nose back to that grindstone. Because you got the words "HAS BEEN" emblazoned on your forehead.

3) What with all the forced smiles and the veiled insults, I thought Paula and Simon were going to come to blows. These two really do seem to hate one another. I found myself rooting for Simon to shoot his fist out and punch Paula squarely in the nose, for Paula to knock him to the ground and do her "Straight Up" dance on Simon's head. A little WWF action would have added some spice to the evening.

4) The Performances. Let's take 'em in order:

Kim Lite: She shrieked. She screamed. She showed us her belly. The red streaks in her hair looked like flames and I found myself wishing her head would ignite in burst of fire. No such luck.

Ruben: Ruben is Ruben. Y'all know how I love him. But I have to agree with Simon's criticism. Ruben does his same wonderful thing every week and it's time he tried to change it up a little. Don't get me wrong. Ruben's same wonderful thing is ten times better than anyone else's thing. However it would be nice to see him stretch a bit. On the fashion side, I miss the 205 shirts. But I give props to the stylist who seems to have finally figured out how to dress a large man.

Kimberley: Did they get a new stylist? Did Kimberley take control of her own wardrobe? Did the fashion gods hear my prayer? Because girlfriend LOOKED GOOD. Not only did she look good, she sounded good. She gave the best performance of the night with her sultry rendition of "New York State of Mind." She was the full package and she shone. One small note: did anybody else see her friends cheering in the audience? Was it just me or were they NOT exactly Kimmie material? I don't want to hate (okay, I DO want to hate) but THEM GIRLS WERE GHETTO. And why did all their signs refer to Kimmie as "Chicken"? Get your video, rewind to Kimmie part and freeze and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Josh: Don't be shocked. Don't faint. Don't call me fickle. But I LOVED Josh last night. He sang "Piano Man" and while, his voice isn't the best up there, he was SEXY. He was. I'm not lying. He actually made me forget his fat head, his faux military might, and his weird singing faces. Of course, I was also mesmerized by his teeth. His snaggle teeth. Hello?! Dental work is free in the Marines. GET SOME CAPS!

Trenyce: She looked great, although I wasn't as fond of this week's weave as I was of last week's. This hair was too long and the color seemed to be wrong for her skin tone. But I did like her dress even if it did look like forties underwear. Now her song... LaShundra will always be one of my favorites (lest anybody dare to forget her searing rendition of Whitney's I Have Nothing) but to pull a Randy for moment, all I can say is "Dawg, I wasn't feelin' it, dawg. But you did your thing."

Clay: Clay looked good. He sounded good. He sang "Tell Her About It". And once again, he managed to remove every once of rock and roll from a song. He made a Billy Joel song into a Broadway dance number. It's bizarre how he does that. I bet he could turn Eminem into a show tune. I know we'll see Clay starring in Phantom of the Opera or something one day. But honestly, I don't think the American Idol should be singing show tunes every week.

Now you KNOW I saved the worst for last...

Carmen: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I know I do not scream alone. If you didn't see it last night, let me tell you, you missed one of the finest examples of scary bad horrible freaky-ness EVER. Dressed in what can only be described as a bright green 30 gallon plastic garbage bag held together with rubber bands, Carmen sank to new lows last night. She didn't resemble a teenager so much as a dying goat bleating for the mercy of a shotgun blast to put her out of her misery. Dear God, she was awful. The best thing about it was the judge's comments after. During her eastern time viewing of the show, Sandie called me hooting with laughter unable to even speak. I had to wait three hours to find out what was so funny. Hee hee. Randy told her she sounded like a beauty pageant contestant. Smokey mumbled, fumbled, stumbled and finally told her she was nervous. Paula did the Paula thing and said Carmen was pretty. Simon WENT OFF ON HER! He told her she sounded like a little kid singing at her parents cocktail party and that she should be told to shut up. HAHAHAHAHA. It's WAY funnier when you see him say it.

Now, sadly, we all KNOW that Carmen probably won't be voted off tonight due to her obvious deal with Satan. (Note to Ryan: STOP encouraging people to vote for Carmen!) And Kim Lite is probably safe because there are fools out there who don't know a theme park headliner when they hear one. Nooooo. After Rickey, it's clear this show ain't about talent. So who's going to go? I am terrified the axe will fall on Trenyce. Which would infuriate me as she's definitely one of the top three singers out there.

I'm telling you, if Carmen or Kim Lite win this whole thing, I am going to have an aneurysm...

Tonight's theme? Billy Joel songs.

Now, I love me some Billy. I do. I own his greatest hits album and, as someone with no vocal ability, his songs are perfect for shower singing. Which means (sadly) we'll probably get a decent performance out of Carmen tonight. Because if I can sing "For the Longest Time", anyone can. Does this mean she'll hang on another week? DEAR GOD, NOOOOOOOOOO!

Anyway, there are some great songs on Billy's albums and I'm looking forward to hearing what Clay, Ruben, Trenyce and Kimmie choose to sing.

"I wish we could find some crime that Carmen has committed."....

AHAHAHHAHAHA......

ooooooohh I'm not laughing anymore....

hhmmm.... not such a bad idea really....

Alright then, I'll get my research team on it right away! We've got to hurry if we're gonna save Kimmie....

Corey Clark on his "unjust" departure from AI:

"They say they kicked me off because I didn't tell them about the arrest," said Corey. "The only reason I didn't tell them about the arrest was because I knew I didn't do anything. So they're trying to make it out to be like I'm a liar and stuff like that."

Hello? When they ask if you've ever been arrested and you say NO, that makes you a LIAR.

I wish we could find some crime that Carmen has committed. Apparently, that's the only way we are going to get her off the show. If only killing me softly with her song was a capital offense...