From: Shonda
Date: Wed Mar 26, 2003 10:24:32 PM America/Los_Angeles
To: Sandie
Subject: My Own Private Country HELL

Sorry to have been silent on last night's show. But the truth is, it was so boring that I could barely force myself to watch. I sat down expecting an exciting evening of disco, something I could DANCE to while watching. And I KNEW, just KNEW, that at some point one of the girls was going to break out "On The Radio" and I was going to groove my way around my den. I was so happy...

...and then those fools went and threw out disco for country. Excuse me. Country ROCK. Now, country I could have withstood. A little Patsy Cline, some Dolly, Reuben singing "The Gambler"...I can dig it. I can get my groove on to Willie Nelson as good as anyone. BUT NO! Instead they did country ROCK. Which somehow translates into songs that should be entitled "CRAP NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR".

Ooh. I was mad. There were exactly two highlights. 1) Ruben singing "Sweet Home Alabama" and proving he's just a country boy deep down and 2) Kimberley throwing down on some good deep voiced tunes. Oh yeah, and the realization that Josh really IS fat and that his head looks like a potato in a cowboy hat. The only other thing I can say about last night's show was that I was glad when it was over.

Now, tonight's results show...

...WAS GOOD!

Why? Let me count the ways.

1) Kimberley was sporting some kick ass knee high black leather boots and a killer dress. For once I wasn't checking her for back fat and instead I was applauding her for looking like a voluptuous diva. Even the straight hair worked tonight. Y'all may not know it but it hard for us big calf girls to find boots that will zip up. Props to wardrobe. I covet those boots.

2) "God Bless the USA". If you remember, I was the one who called it (see last week's entry). "God Bless the USA" was trotted out in a misguided attempt at patriotism and Josh opened the song. Now, no one loves "God Bless the USA" more than me. I do. Seriously. When I was trapped in Vermont after 9/11, I cried all 5,327 times they played it on the radio. Love me some "God Bless the USA". But last night, all I could think was that it felt like it was in poor taste. I mean, even though I loathe G. Bush and his ideas, soldiers are, in fact, DYING FOR US. So when they got to the part that goes "..I'll proudly stand up next to them (soldiers) and defend her (USA) still today..." Uh, hello? As far as I could tell, our American Idols weren't standing up next to anyone except each other. So they were defending our country by...being American Idols?

3) Clay said he thought Ruben and Kimberley were the best. Which means Clay has some taste (unlike Kim Lite). Which means I like Clay even more.

And finally... (drum rolls)

4) THE FINAL TWO WERE JULIA AND KIM LITE!!!! Can I get a "WHOO HOO"!? Oh, it was so good to sit back in my chair and know that, whoever got voted off, I would have my own private party. It's my theory that women didn't like Kim Lite's belly baring ho-down outfit (and I didn't misspell "ho"). As for Julia...she did okay last night but I think the ripped t-shirt and glitter eye shadow from the week before continued to haunt us all.

When they voted Julia off, I raised my arms in victory and did the dance of joy. Never again will I have to hear from the hairdresser from Long Island. To give her props, she was very gracious and sweet about it. Although, I think was mean to make us suffer through her singing ONE MORE TIME.

But the best part was Kim Lite sobbing into Ruben's chest. You may think those were tears of sadness for Julia. Don't be fooled. Oh, no. Kim Lite was sobbing but those were tears of RELIEF. Because no matter how fake sweet she seems, I think that girl would step on her own mama to win this thing.

Now all we have to do is get rid of Carmen and the competition can really begin.

I have just watched the results show.... but I know you haven't yet... so all I'll say is:
Shonda and Debbie just know that we have been spared another week of misery, there is a God afterall!

And Shonda, well they heard you, Marine Boy got his chance to appeal to the patriotic masses with a patriotic tune. Albeit a group tune, but still.. it had it's appeal I'm sure. His stock just sky rocketed.

Subj: not all that impressed
Date: 3/26/2003 7:40:08 PM Eastern Standard Time
To: shonda


This show was about as impressive as the one a while back when group 2 or 3 performed... can't remember. And that's the point... can't remember it cause it wasn't worth remembering! Ahhh... but alas there were a few good moments:

Kimberley, our dear Diva had it going on last night. She sounded fabulous and looked better (than last week) and chose the perfect song for her voice. Excellent job redeeming herself. Prediction: She has been hurt, but with a few more performances like that she will rebuild her following. Not in the bottom 3.

Ruben - ahhhhh gotta give him his props. He did his home state proud - even singing a country song. Nothing real big though even for Ruben. Prediction: His following is huge. Not in the bottom 3.

Can I just say YUCK by the way on the song category change!!! What happened to DISCO!!!!???!!! And Olivia Newton-John as the guest judge?? Idol must be running short on cash. But I digress...

Most of them sounded alright, but not very good singing this music. Everyone sounded just equally pitiful except the previously mentioned exceptions.

Madrigal Girl - note new name for blonde cant sing girl - seems to have a following just as we feared. She still sucks and Randy and Paula keep hinting at the fact that Simon is a crackhead. But he is sticking to his barbie finalist. Prediction: not in the bottom 3. (although she should be)

Ricky - wasn't thrilled, wasn't a hater either. This music... well not a whole lot to work with. Prediction: not in the bottom 3.

Julia - actual not horrible, but so what. I'm telling you I just wasn't excited by anybody! Prediction: in the bottom 3, not voted off.

El Debarge - well... pretty good - MUCH better than last week. Went back to trying to work the ladies with the hair thing. Didn't work on me. Prediction: in the bottom 3, may even be voted off.

Clay - so what about him too, believe it or not. Great voice this week as usual. But I have to say this, I was thinking EXACTLY what Simon said: "Good, but so what. I heard the same thing last week." Don't get me wrong. I still love me some Clay. But it wasn't all magical last night. Prediction: not in the bottom 3.

Kim Lite - hhmmm... they thought she redeemed herself. whatever. I will say that the style of music suited her voice and she didn't sound so theme parkish this time. Looked like a ho dipped in sequins. I'm a hater though so what else do you want? Prediction: she's saved herself once more.

Trenyce - ahhh I worry about her. She looked so bad. The outfit, the hair must I be forced to remember it?!? And she lacked any of that brilliance on stage that's pulled her through this far. If I'm being honest (and aren't I brutally honest?) I thought she sounded horrible - for her. Not bad compared to the rest last night, but certainly bad for her. Prediction: her following may have turned on her after that performance. Watch your back girl! The surprise of the night may be her eviction from the house!

and finally Marine Boy - well I absolutely thought he SUCKED THE BIG ONE last night. And to my surprise the judges all said he was great! I thought he sounded like a howling dog. And that would not be "dawg" as Randy affectionately calls him. Plain Old Yeller! Prediction: I think he should not only be in the bottom 3 for this performance, but voted off. He of course will not be. Bottom 3 maybe.

well tonight's predictions are so... well wishy washy because after all what did we have to go on?!?! Yuck and thumbs down to the whole thing last night. Even Ruben didn't have the panties thrown on the stage magic... but who could singing country rock?!

I'm out!

sandie